


And Betazoid Makes Three

by tronjolras



Series: The Leona K. Yarro Adventures [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: (aka my favorite children), Betazed and Betazoids, Bones is dad friend, Empathy, Established Relationship, Found Family, I dont know how Vulcan telepathy works, I just did a lot of research okayyyyy, I worte a novella as my thesis but I care about this more, Kidfic, Kirk is just dad, M/M, Mental bonds, Mostly Canon Compliant, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo2019, OCs - Freeform, Post-Canon, Spock is 85 percent of Kirk's impulse control, Telepathy, content warnings in notes for each chapter when applicable, cute and unsettling child, literally found, neurodivergence.......IN SPACE, old married spirk, spirk, use and abuse of ellipses, when your husband accidentally adopts a child while youre away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tronjolras/pseuds/tronjolras
Summary: While investigating a distress call from an abandoned research satellite, Kirk recovers an unconscious child and unknowingly forges a telepathic connection with her.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: The Leona K. Yarro Adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589794
Comments: 73
Kudos: 296
Collections: A Labyrinth of Fics





	1. "One Helluva Day"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earthbound, the Enterprise receives a distress call that takes them off course to an abandoned Betazed research satellite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (First: a content warning for very brief descriptions of corpses.) If angsty Spirk kidfic is what gets me to write during NaNoWriMo, y’all are getting angsty Spirk kidfic—NaNoWriMo2019. Honestly though, I am very excited to post this and I hope you enjoy reading it!  
> So…. If you’re a stickler for the canon timeline, just imagine that after the five year mission, Kirk is never offered his promotion and Spock does not return to Vulcan for the Kolinahr. Instead they get married and continue to truck around the final frontier.  
> Thanks to my beta reader andydear, who has helped more than she knows.

It had already been a strange day.

That morning, the U.S.S. _Enterprise_ docked at Starbase 253 to exchange Commander Spock for thirty-eight Starfleet discharges from the U.S.S. _Mwangi_ on their way back to Earth—and retirement. Captain James T. Kirk was of course honored to be Starfleet’s ferry, he just wished he could endure the honor with Spock at his side instead of representing Starfleet at a conference on Vulcan. On the very day of their wedding anniversary, no less. (Not that anyone had asked.) Kirk thought he deserved to indulge himself in his pettiness and jealousy—why should the crew of the _Mwangi_ and the entire planet of Vulcan enjoy Spock’s company when his own husband couldn’t?

No matter how much Jim missed Spock and brooded about it in the captain’s chair, the _Enterprise_ ’s bridge maintained its jocular mood as they set off toward Earth. “Let’s go kids” Kirk said, slowly letting his friends’ high spirits buoy his own, “It’s been fun, but it’s time to go home.” As soon as Kirk ordered Mr. Sulu to engage warp drive, the bridge crew relaxed. It should be an easy trip. “Besides,” he added once they were on their way, “I’ve got a hot date I gotta make.” Sure, once the _Enterprise_ returned to Earth, they would be letting a substantial percentage of their own crew go and that meant weeks of training once they relaunched, but Kirk had his own leave to look forward to. Before Spock left, they agreed that when the conference ended, he and Jim would meet on Risa for two glorious and well-earned weeks on the endless beaches, where they could properly celebrate their anniversary.

“How does a coldblooded Vulcan make for a hot date?” Bones teased from his usual perch standing next to Kirk, enjoying the spectacle of warp speed from the deck’s screen. Without Spock on his other side, Kirk couldn’t help but feel unbalanced.

Kirk was unprepared and tried to cover his construction of a snarky response with a smug smirk, but he was interrupted by Uhura. “Captain! I’m getting a distress signal from a Betazoid research satellite nearby.”

A pall fell over the bridge crew. 

“How far away?”

Everyone began to furiously tap at their stations, trying to discover as much information about the signal and the satellite from which it originated.

“It would only be a couple of hour’s detour,” Sulu said

“Any signs of life?” 

“We’re too far to tell, sir,” Chekov reported. 

“Alright boys and girls,” Kirk squared himself in his chair, “alert our new passengers they won’t be home in time for dinner.”

~~~

In a tiny, uninhabited solar system on the outskirts of the Beta Veldonna galaxy, a lone satellite orbited a freshly terraformed planetoid. The satellite’s mission: to study the planetoid and judge it’s eligibility for Betazoid colonization. The planetoid’s proximity to the nearest star the created a delightfully tropical climate with warm beaches and towering rainforests after Federation terraforming. Its rich stores of copper and gold would have made it especially desirable for colonization and the daily rotation and yearly solar orbit mirrored the time markers on Betazed, marking it optimal for the race. The Betazoid could have settled the planet in less than six months. 

However, the satellite was abandoned. “All the escape pods and shuttles have been deployed,” Chekov reported as the _Enterprise_ stalked closer. The satellite currently survived on generated and reserved power, but Chekov discovered that only the necessities of life-support were still operating. The bridge fell as silent as the craft before them and Kirk, standing on the balls of his feet between the two helm stations, glanced furtively between displays. They flickered and faltered as the aftereffects of a series of solar flares interfered with the _Enterprise_ ’s scanners. 

“There hasn’t been a ship near enough to pick up the distress call in over a week,” Sulu said, analyzing Starfleet’s database for flight trajectories. “And there are no Federation vessels anticipated in the sector for another week.” 

“Sir,” Chekov said, almost a whisper, “there’s someone still on board!” Kirk leaned over Chekov’s station and saw, sure enough, the one faltering life sign deep in the body of the satellite.

Kirk thought grimly of Spock’s departure that morning, ( _“Stay safe”_ and two raised eyebrows that said _Don’t have too much fun without me._ “ _We’re just going to Earth,_ ” Jim had said, with every intention of tempting fate, “ _how dangerous can it be?_ ”).

Kirk raised his eyes to the viewscreen and watched the satellite slowly revolve along its axis, looking starkly ambivalent to its own desolate state. He shook his head. “What the hell happened here?”

In less than ten minutes, an away team (Kirk, Dr. Leonard McCoy, and an engineering officer, Lieutenant Commander Vickhram) beamed aboard beside one of the empty shuttle bays with every intention of answering that question. The eerie half-light of reserve power bathed the halls in faint shadows that made the satellite all the more ghostly. 

Lt. Cdr. Vickhram removed her Type A tricorder from its holster and turned on the flashlight, sweeping the beam from side to side, though it revealed nothing yet. 

“Any idea what could have caused the power outage?” Kirk asked Vickhram. In the complete silence of the satellite, he could not raise his voice above a whisper.

She swept the tricorder around again, this time using its sensory functions to scan any tech in their immediate vicinity. “I don’t know, Captain, we’ll have to go further in.”

“Then we go further in.”

Turning the corner into another, more central corridor, they were confronted by the heavy, acrid scent of an electrical fire and scorch marks on the carpet beneath their feet and running through the electrical compartments on the walls revealed by the tricorder’s beam.

“I don’t like this,” McCoy said by Kirk’s side. 

“Noted,” he replied gruffly and turned to Vickhram. “Is there anything still burning?”

She shook her head. “Thermal scans do not show anything still on fire. But the fire may have injured the integrity of the ship. We should still proceed with extreme caution.”

The other two officers nodded. 

It was not long until they came upon the first body. It was charred beyond recognition and certainly beyond life, but McCoy knelt beside it anyway. Kirk and Vickhram watched the doctor’s tricorder screen display only the information they already knew, but Bones still looked up at Jim and shook his head, like he had just lost the patient himself. Kirk paused to touch Bone’s shoulder gently in consolation while Vickhram moved forward. 

“Whatever caused the outage may have caused the fire,” she theorized. 

“It’s likely,” Bones, now back on his feet, agreed. 

To their right, in the central column of the satellite, a desk chair wedged open a door into what must have been a research lab. Vickhram went directly to one of the workstations and got the screen to flicker on. 

McCoy counted three corpses and went to each, hoping to learn something new from each, but swearing under his breath when he failed each time.

Kirk flipped open his communicator and contacted the bridge. “Chekov, any chance of getting a more accurate location on the life sign?”

“Negative, Captain. There’s some residual solar energy interfering with the readings.”

Vickhram’s head snapped up. “Sir, I believe I’ve found the source of both the outage and the fire.” 

Kirk came by her side and read the screen.

“I was able to go back in the logs to three days ago, approximately fifteen minutes before the outage. A meteorologist on board noted a solar flare from the nearest star. It must have caused a surge which would account for both.” 

“And the interference with our readings,” Kirk added. 

When they entered the next room (with some difficulty, the doors were jammed and had to be forced), Kirk hesitated at the entrance while Bones attended to six more bodies, noticeably more charred than the ones before. “This must have been where the fire originated. There was probably a small explosion.” Bones gestured to a still sparking panel of wires and the blackened and mangled metal wall panel lying unceremoniously on the floor. 

“I think you’re right, these computers are completely fried,” Vickhram said. 

Bones shot her a withering glare as she realized her mistaken word choice. “Sorry,” she mumbled. 

Bones nodded and went to the next body. 

A fire on a satellite without power… Kirk tried not to think about it as Bones performed another useless scan. Vickhram, back in the last room at the functioning workstation, was busy sending a manifest list back to the _Enterprise_ , as well as any other information the Betazed government would require.

Jim reflected that now he had a completely different reason from this morning to wish that Spock had stayed on the _Enterprise_ . The indefatigable hope that Jim was famous for prevented him from ever accepting the inevitability of death. If Spock were there, he would tell him it was illogical to believe he could have somehow prevented this. If they had come three days earlier, if he had not docked so long at the starbase, if he had delivered Spock to the base and not waited for the _Mwangi’s_ later arrival. If only he had thought to do any of those simple things, then he could have saved the dozen people whose corpses he stood among now. He could have provided refuge for the two dozen more people that had escaped by pod and now drifted disparate and alone in empty space. 

But there was still a survivor to rescue… a flickering and faint breath that despite the carnage wrecked on the satellite, persisted.

“Jim!” McCoy called. He held up his tricorder as Kirk came over and read out the strange results of the scan. Though he had aimed the tricorder at the badly burned body sitting up in front of a console cabinet, the screen displayed a less than optimal but very much alive set of vitals… 

“In the cabinet,’’ Kirk realized. He helped McCoy move the body and called for Vickhram to come and pry open the latch to the cabinet. Kirk went back to help her once they were done and with a little muscle and manipulation of the broken latch and handle, they were able to break off the door to the insulated cabinet and found—

“It’s a child!” Vickhram exclaimed.

She was unconscious, curled up in a ball and breathing shallowly, but untouched by the fire. Her long dark curly hair obscured her face as Kirk lifted her out of the cabinet, cradling her. Even though she was asleep, she draped her arms around his shoulders and she breathed deeper and more evenly when he pulled her to his chest.

Bones was kneeling next to Jim in an instant, his med bag open and his tricorder whirring as he ran a diagnostic scan.

She stirred a little, enough for her to burrow her head into Jim’s shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered, but she still did not wake. “Well, is she alright?” Jim demanded in a whisper. Even in the dim light, Jim could see her brown skin suffered from a clammy pallor and the fact that she was still not awake was beyond troubling. Jim tried to study her face the best he could and found himself counting every breath as a victory. 

“She’s parched and half-starved to death, and her lung tissue is scarred from the smoke inhalation—none of which I can’t fix. It’s a miracle she didn’t suffocate,” McCoy said, regarding the insulated cabinet with a mixture of awe and disgust. “Though I don’t even want to think about the trauma she’ll come out of this with, but yes, she’s alright.” 

Jim let out a long breath that he had not realized he’d been holding. 

“Is there anything you can do for her here, Bones?”

McCoy shook his head. 

“Then I say we go back.” When Kirk stood, keeping his hands firmly and protectively on the child’s back and the back of her head as he did, she responded, wrapping her arms more tightly around his neck and swinging her legs so they wrapped around his waist, though there was very little strength behind either movement. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he murmured out of a latent paternal instinct that overtook him now. For a moment, he swore her eyelids fluttered open to reveal her solid black iris a thin wreath around her pupil, wide with fear. Jim pulled her closer, “That’s right, kid. You’re going to be okay, I promise.” When he looked back down, her eyes were closed. He looked up and found Vickhram standing a few feet away. “Do we have all the information we need?”

“I’ve replicated all of the pertinent files. Without knowing who escaped, Identification will be difficult…” She trailed off and her eyes swept across the room. Kirk and McCoy both looked around them again. 

Bones sighed heavily and walked past them both picking his way back through the desiccated satellite. “Let’s go,” he said without looking back. 

~~~

When Kirk left sickbay, the child was still not awake. 

He returned to the bridge to put in one last appearance before the end of his shift. He felt very tired. 

Vickhram reported from the manifest that she was unable to identify the child because there were two other children around her approximate age (which Bones had estimated to be six or seven) that lived on the satellite with their families and the computers were too damaged to retrieve the images that would have usually accompanied the names of the passengers. Until the Betazed government intercepted the escape pods and took stock of the survivors or she woke up and was able to tell them, her identity was a mystery. 

The _Enterprise_ stayed at the satellite for a few more hours as they gathered all of the information about the satellite they were not able to before, and then a second away team made up of officers trained in medicine and forensics would be sent to collect the remains. In his absence, the crew had already informed the planetary council of Betazed of the catastrophe. Kirk used his remaining time on the bridge to conference with one of the councilwomen about the escape pod rescue efforts. As to what would be done with the child, the Betazed council decided that she was in excellent care under Dr. McCoy and once her health recovered and her identity confirmed, she would be returned to her next of kin. 

By the time he left the bridge, Kirk was completely emotionally drained. If only he were a Vulcan and could minimize his emotions out of existence… He knew exactly what his husband would say to that: _“Jim, you are incorrect. The Vulcan mind is not able to completely master emotional response. Instead: blah, blah, blah, neurological gobbledy-gook.”_

Well, perhaps Jim did not know _exactly_ what he would say. 

All day, he had looked forward to returning to his cabin, but now the prospect became distasteful when he considered the report he would have to write and the statement to Starfleet explaining the purpose for his detour, plus one rambling captain’s log he had to record. He wandered between the bridge, his cabin, and the sickbay for nearly an hour, never stepping foot into any of them, until finally physical exhaustion caught up to his mental exhaustion. 

When he made it to his and Spock’s cabin, another wave of loneliness crashed over him. Their last game of tridimensional chess, interrupted by their arrival to the starbase, waited balefully for its player’s to return. Before he left, Spock had suggested that the extra time would let Jim reevaluate his strategy for protecting his queen.

The memory brought a fond smile to Jim’s lips which grew when he saw a subspace message waiting on his console. Gratefully, he fell into the desk chair and played the message. It was brief, but just hearing Spock’s deep, meditative voice relaxed him as he listened. 

> “Jim, 
> 
> “The _Mwangi_ arrived promptly to Starbase V-74 at 16:00 where I took a shuttlecraft to Vulcan’s surface. I met my father and mother at the Federation building—Mother has requested me to ‘pass on her love,’ though I have assured her that you are aware of her regard for you.
> 
> “I have been given accommodations at the Vulcan Science Academy where the conference will commence this evening and have already been met by many of my old acquaintances. T’Pring inquired about you and our life with Starfleet. I do not believe she found my honest answers, that you are well and we are content, as pleasant as she meant to. Tonight I am going to listen to the keynote speaker in the auditorium, called Skollur (whatever Spock said as his surname, like all Vulcan surnames, unpronounceable to most humanoids) I believe he is a pioneer in communication technology at the Academy. After the opening event, he has invited me to a salon he hosts weekly. I am interested in who will attend and what will be discussed and I think I will enjoy myself, but do not worry Jim, I told him that I would not stay late because my husband would not approve of me doing so the night before an important event. He said that he saw the logic in that. 
> 
> “I regret leaving my _t’hy’la_ on the morning of our wedding anniversary and I thought of you often today on the _Mwangi_ and after I landed. Even though I know you would dislike the conference, I still wish you were here with me…” 

Spock’s voice paused and Jim heard him take a long breath, which centered the listener as well.

> “ _Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, adun_.” 

The message finished and Kirk was once again left with the lonely silence, though his thoughts felt much more ordered than before. However, he knew that before he could create any official report on the day’s incident, he had to respond to Spock. 

He swung his feet up onto the desk and began to speak into his tricorder.

“I cherish thee too, babe. I only wish you were here so I could cherish thee in person… I swear, you left me just in time for one helluva day…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's going to happen next? (0.o)  
> Many thanks to both Memory Alpha and Memory Beta and their contributors, and special thanks as always to Fantasy Name Generator.  
> talk to me on tumblr! (or just enjoy my rather extensive tos fanart collection): fairwellersmustache  
> Next Update: January 15th, 2020
> 
> updated 1/21/20 for typos


	2. "Leona Yarro"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk finds his emotions getting the better of him the more time he spends with the child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for a brief mention of medical needles.  
> Many thanks to andydear for beta reading and also for oscillating violently through emotions on her first read through.

Kirk went to sickbay first thing the following morning. Dr. Ruan, McCoy’s number two, updated him on the child’s progress. Since the day before, McCoy had regenerated the injured tissue in her lungs and kept her on an IV of nutrients to try and replace her three day deficiency while she was still unconscious. Kirk knew he could do nothing, but sitting with her felt like his responsibility. She had woken up once and he was the only person she saw, so he wanted to be one of the first people she saw when she woke up again. He hoped that maybe his presence, if she even remembered him, might calm her down after waking up in a place she did not know. In short, Jim did not want her to be alone. 

The night before, after Kirk finished his message to Spock and had recorded a lengthy and detailed captain’s log, he spent several hours reading about the Betazoid race and culture to refresh his memory. Most of it he remembered from the academy: their varied levels of empathic and telepathic abilities, the development of those abilities in early adolescence, the worship of the Four Deities, the matriarchal government and matrilineal family structures, the concept of imzadi that very closely resembled the Vulcan concept of t’hy’la. He was gratified to learn that the paracortex that contained their telepathic abilities also included a trauma-filter that might aid the child’s recovery. 

To battle the helplessness he had felt since they got her back to the _Enterprise_ , he read. He had no idea what the child liked, but that morning, he took from his cabin one of his printed Earth books, _The Hobbit_ , and began to read it aloud. It really was more to occupy himself, but he did hope that maybe it would also make her feel less alone if she did wake. 

As he read, he hunched over the book as it lay on the edge of the biobed. Only ten minutes in and her hand, balled into a fist, relaxed and now lay palm up. 

“Hey!” he said softly, looking up from the page. He touched her hand, which curled into a fist again around his fingers. Kirk was smiling. “Are you waking up?” 

Her eyelids fluttered, but they did not open. He felt the answer was no. 

“That’s okay,” he said. “If you want to, I’ll be here. If I’m not here, then they’ll call me and I’ll come.” He thought he saw her relax, as if she felt tense before. “That’s right. You won’t be alone, kid.”

He continued to read, holding the book and turning the page awkwardly with one hand while she held fast to his other one.

He had been reading for almost an hour when Dr. Ruan interrupted him with good news. Kirk stood, regretfully slipping his hand out of hers, as they spoke a few feet away. “The Betazed government and Starfleet have been able to intercept all of the escape pods, sir. Everyone that escaped is safe, if a little worse for wear. They were able to confirm the identities of the survivors as well as the deceased by comparing remaining DNA sample to those provided by Betazed. Which leaves us with one left. We are confident to say that this child is six year old Leona Yarro.”

~~~

Kirk briefed himself on young Leona Yarro in his ready room. According to Betazed’s files, Leona was the daughter of Betazoid scientist Osren Yarro and human engineer Rosario Fonesca. Osren was born on Betazed to one of the more powerful ruling houses, though not especially fortunate, and of course, male. Though it appeared that he used his familial connections to network, he proved himself to be a highly capable biochemist. In his file, it was noted that ten years ago, he served a two year contract with the Federation on Alpha Eridani II where, Kirk assumed by the date of their wedding, he met Fonesca. Together they returned to Betazed and one year ago, joined the research team, bringing with them their only child.

According to Dr. Ruan’s findings, both Yarro and Fonesca were among the deceased crew members of the satellite. Kirk shuddered when he realized from the forensic report that it was Osren Yarro who had died in front of the cabinet where Leona survived and must have been the person who put her there. Whether he thought so far ahead or not, he actually saved his daughter twice; it was when Bones scanned his body that they discovered the weak life signs of his daughter behind him.

Rosario Fonesca had died in one of the corridors. Kirk read that it was the theory of the forensics team that she was trying to get back to the lab where the fire started, where her husband and daughter were trapped.

Throughout his Starfleet career, he had read worse things than this, he had _seen_ worse things than this, but he could not shake the tragedy of a family destroyed in a matter of minutes and one little girl left to pick up the pieces. 

It wasn’t fair.

A sudden wave of restlessness overcame him, forcing him up out of his chair and pacing back and forth across the ready room. 

It was almost a relief when Dr. Ruan’s voice came over the comm, “Sickbay to Captain Kirk.” Kirk might have imagined he heard a crash in the background of the message, but he knew he could not imagine the urgency in Ruan’s voice. 

“This is Kirk,” he replied, hitting the comm on his desk. He tapped his fingers impatiently as he waited for Ruan’s response which he suspected he knew anyway. 

“Miss Yarro is awake. Dr. McCoy requests your presence in sickbay,” Ruan said, the message cut off abruptly, barely letting him finish his last word. 

“Right,” Kirk muttered to himself and took off through the ship. “On my way. Kirk out.”

He heard McCoy’s shout of pain before he saw either the doctor or the child. McCoy met him at the door to Leona’s room, cradling his hand. 

“Is she alright?” 

“She _bit_ me!” Bones whispered to him, scandalized, as Kirk stopped at the door. 

Jim knew it probably wasn’t the most appropriate response, but he could not stop the snort of laughter that burst out of him. He stifled a laugh with a poorly acted cough and tried to cover his smile by propping his hand over his mouth like he was in deep thought. “So she’s awake?”

Bones swatted him with a “Dammit Jim!” under his breath. 

“She’s alright?” Jim asked again. 

“Yes, yes,” McCoy answered. “I’m going to go wash and disinfect this,” he brandished his hand and in the blur in front of his face, Jim could see a red blotch where she broke through a few layers of skin. “Be careful when you go in,” Bones warned as he stalked away, “teeth like razors.”

Jim felt like he would not need to worry as he turned the corner through the doorway. Leona was curled up on the biobed. Her black eyes watched him carefully as he stepped in. 

She looked to Jim like a baby animal trying to hide in the brush, crouched low and wary of everything it saw. She was afraid of him, Jim realized. She had obviously been afraid of Bones too. He must have spooked her when he tried to remove her PICC line, he saw the IV tube dangling and dripping onto the floor. The needle end of the PICC was still in the back of her hand. 

He stayed next to the door for fear of distressing her further. “Hi.” 

She lifted her head and furrowed her brow. 

“Hi, Leona.” He repeated. “My name’s Jim Kirk. You’re um…you are Leona Yarro, right?”

Her face lit up, she recognized his voice. 

“Yeah!” he laughed. “You know who I am? I…” He didn’t know what else to say. He was glad that she was awake, but even happier that she recognized him. 

“You promised.” Her voice came out scratchy and raw from the smoke and disuse.

He took a step closer. “Yeah, that’s right. I promised they would call me when you woke up. I’m glad you’re awake… how are you feeling?”

She looked around her, took in the sickbay through the windows, the state of the art biobed. Everything on the _Enterprise_ was at least a decade more advanced than what had been on the satellite. She curled back in on herself again. “Where’s my daddy? I want my daddy!”

Jim closed the gap between them and rested his hands on the rail of the biobed next to where she gripped the bar so tightly, her knuckles were white. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jim soothed as her tears began to fall. He reached out and touched her shoulder. He felt her sadness and her fear…

He knew that she would have to be told and that he would be the one to tell her about her parents and the satellite, but he could not bear to do it now when she had just woken up on a strange starship surrounded by strange people.

Leona stopped crying suddenly causing Kirk to look up. Her now red-rimmed black eyes were trained on the door where Bones stood. 

“It’s okay,” Jim repeated. He pat her shoulder lightly to get her attention. She looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed. Now she was scared and confused. “Leona, this is my best friend. His name is Dr. Bones.”

McCoy scowled at the name, but didn’t say anything. Leona cracked a watery smile.

“Yeah,” Jim continued, encouraged by his audience. “Sure Dr. Bones is a funny name for a doctor to have and I know he looks like a mean old grump, but I promise you he’s the best doctor in Starfleet, probably in the whole Federation.” 

Her death grip on the bed rail relaxed and she shifted so she sat back on her heels. 

“Will you let him take that thing out of your hand?” As he asked, Jim nudged the hand that still had the PICC in it. She looked at it with disgust. 

“It’s uncomfortable now and it might hurt a little bit coming out, but once it’s gone, you won’t feel it at all. Do you want him to take it out?”

She shyly looked back down at her hands and nodded. 

“Good. Alright, Doc, you’re all safe now. No need to let a little girl scare you.” Jim stepped back to let Bones work, but when Bones stepped closer than Jim was, she began to panic again. 

McCoy stepped back and sighed. “I think it’ll only work if you’re with her when I do this,” he said. 

Kirk nodded. 

Leona’s panic abated when Jim was next to her again. He laid his hand beside her own as if to demonstrate: “Stay still, okay?”

She nodded. Her fingers curled a little around the rail when Bones came up, but she kept herself calm as he pulled out the needle and replaced it quickly with a tiny bandage. 

“That didn’t hurt at all now, did it?” Jim asked. She blushed, embarrassed, and shook her head. “What do you need to do next?” he asked McCoy. 

McCoy eyed him for a second before looking over his PADD screen and glancing back up at the biomonitor. “Well, I’d like to check how her lungs are holding up, though her breathing sounds good. I’ll run a couple more rounds of general diagnostic scans, but I don’t expect anything irregular show up. Now that she’s awake, she can start eating on her own but I’d like her to drink a lot of water to see what we can do about that throat. I hope to assign a nurse to monitor her tonight while she’s asleep just to be safe. Dr. Ruan was reading the satellite’s medical log and noticed it said Leona Yarro broke her arm a few months ago, might as well make sure it healed properly.” He paused and shrugged when Jim looked up in askance. “Campfire rules: leave the patient better than you got it.” 

“Does that sound okay?” Jim asked the child.

She didn’t seem quite to understand. 

“Is it okay if Dr. Bones takes care of you?”

She reached out and grabbed Jim’s wrist. “Stay,” she said.

Kirk could understand her fear of the unfamiliar, but he gently tugged his wrist away. “Sorry, kid. But there’s other things I have to—“

“Stay!” she begged, back on her knees and reaching out to him. 

McCoy watched with his mouth quirked upward. “Well, Jim, I guess you better do as she says.”

“Okay, okay,” he relented, catching her before she toppled over the railing. 

Leona met every new test with trepidation, but Jim, who ended up sitting up on the biobed with her, two sets of feet swinging above the ground, let McCoy explain what he was going to do and waited patiently for Leona to agree to it. By the end of Jim’s visit, Leona sat cross legged on the biobed while he mirrored her. She slowly sipped from a large glass of water and listened eagerly as Jim read aloud from the book he had brought that morning. This, of course, was all a distraction while McCoy held her arm and used his tricorder to analyze the now-healed broken bone. 

When Bones announced he was done, Jim finished reading the paragraph they were on, looked up, and asked with a serious expression. “Is it going to have to come off?”

“No, it’s my arm!” Leona squealed with laughter that was infectious and violently wriggled her arm out of Bones’ grasp, nearly clocking him in the nose while she was at it. 

“She can keep it for now, just so long as she behaves,” Bones replied, wagging his finger at her, which just made her and Jim laugh louder. 

“You heard him, kid,” Jim said as he slid off the biobed and stretched. He really should not have stayed as long as he did. He had completely missed the subspace conference with the Betazed council and a briefing about the new manifest once the _Enterprise_ reached Earth. He didn’t have a very diplomatic excuse for either. He marked the page they left off on and held out the book to her. “Here, you can hold onto this and when I come back, we’ll keep reading it.”

When she realized he was trying to leave, she scrambled up to her knees. “No!” she cried. “Stay!” 

Jim put down the book on the bed. “I’m sorry. I can’t stay.”

“I want you to stay!” Her eyes welled up with tears until they spilled out over her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” Jim looked over at McCoy, “I don’t… I can’t.” He was overwhelmed by the vehemence with which she begged him to stay. He wanted to stay. 

“I’ll be here if you need anything?” Bones offered. 

Leona sniffed. 

“Yeah,” Jim said, “Dr. Bones is going to be here. That’ll be okay, right?”

Her expression crumpled again and she curled back into the ball Jim had found her in while her hands still gripped the railing. “I want my mommy and daddy!” she sobbed. 

“Whoa, hey!” Jim was back to her again. He covered her hands with his own. Which seemed to calm her down and helped center him. “Leona, right now Bones and the nurses and Dr. Ruan are going to be taking care of you.”

“I want Mommy!” she whimpered. 

Jim squeezed her hands. “I know… I know you do, but she can’t be here right now. It’s just Bones and sickbay… and me,” he added, which did something to placate her.

He held her hands until her sobs had turned to hiccoughing sniffles.”I’m going to help take care of you while you’re here,” he said. She nodded, but she did not look up or uncurl herself. “I promise. Okay?” He bent down close to her and spoke softer than he had before. “I promise, Leona, I’m always going to take care of you. Just because I’m not in the room with you doesn’t mean I’m not going to be here for you. You have my word… and I haven’t broken any of the promises I made yet, have I?” She shook her head as much as she could, slipping one of her hands out from under his to rub at her eye. 

“Very good.” He reached down and swiped his thumb under her other eye. Her skin was hot from the crying. “Now if you need to see me, you tell them to call me, okay?”

She nodded. 

“Are you gonna let me go now?” he asked, trying to smile.

She nodded again.

“Thank you, Leona.”

As he left her room, he stole a look back in through the windows. Bones was refilling her cup of water, but she wasn’t paying any attention to him, she was now curled up on the other side of the bed, watching him leave.

~~~

For the rest of his shift, Jim sat in the command chair and issued orders by routine, with very little thought or feeling behind them. He felt unreasonably guilty for leaving Leona; whenever he was less than completely occupied the image of her baleful black eyes watching him leave through the window of her room projected itself in his mind. Only minutes after leaving her, he stopped one of the nurses and ordered that he be informed when she fell asleep and of any trouble she gave them. 

Toward the end of his time on the bridge, McCoy told him that she had fallen asleep and that at least put his mind at ease. It was after that that the Betazed council reported that they were having difficulty finding Leona’s next of kin. They decided to partner with Alpha Eridani II to find the next of kin of Leona’s mother. 

It was all a real mess.

When he returned to his cabin that evening, he tried to get his mind off of all of it. There was a message from Spock waiting for him again, which Kirk listened to immediately—and then twice more, lacking the concentration to hear and understand what his husband was saying. The conference was going well (Jim was glad to hear that). He had attended a presentation where he fundamentally disagreed with the presenter’s argument and they had gotten into a heated debate (or as heated as a Vulcan academic disagreement can get—so very, very cold, Kirk assumed). He did his own presentation (Spock didn’t say much about it, but Kirk assumed that he did wonderfully). And the salon he had been invited to the night before had not been very interesting at all (Jim was glad Spock wasn’t there so he would not have to fake his surprise). 

Kirk meant to send a message back, but he was so behind on his work already and his thoughts were too scattered to corral into one succinct letter. Instead, he changed into his pajamas and tried to catch up, but ultimately fell asleep on his bed, on top of his blankets, PADD discarded on the empty pillow next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "eye emoji" -andydear (2019)  
> Thanks as always to Memory Alpha and Memory Beta. And special thanks to Fantasy Name Generator.  
> talk to me on tumblr: fairwellersmustache
> 
> Subscribe to stay tuned! Chapter Three: "The Dark Place" will be posted January 22nd
> 
> Updated to fix typos 1/21/20


	3. "The Dark Place"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Leona suffers from a nightmare, Kirk is called to calm her down. Leona shows him “the dark place” she dreamed about and Jim decides it’s time to tell her the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for some descriptions of claustrophobia and asphyxiation and depictions of trauma.  
> Thanks to andydear for betareading and allowing me to make her cry.

Jim woke up once at 02:03. Then: 02:37, 02:54, 03:32 and 03:48. Everytime he rolled over, he felt like the sounds of the ship amplified. The constant whir and buzz of the inner workings of a starship used to get under his skin when he first joined Starfleet, but after many years, the noises were a background source of comfort because they told him the ship was running fine. Recently, he had more trouble sleeping planetside where such noises were nonexistent. Tonight, however, felt like one of those first nights, where all the commotion was penetrating and unfamiliar. Finally, Jim pushed himself out of bed and to his desk. Obviously sleep did not want him, so why should he want sleep? 

_Illogical_ , the little Spock in his head scolded. 

Jim brushed him away and hunched over his console and accessed the _Enterprise’s_ flight plans. If they continued on their scheduled course, they would soon be out of transportation range of Betazed’s closest starship. If Betazed could not find Leona’s next of kin before they exited that range, she would have to stay on the _Enterprise_ until after they stopped on Earth. It was possible, however, that her next of kin was on Earth, if they had to go through her maternal family. 

She needed a new family before he could tell her about what happened to hers, he had decided—well, he had hoped. 

Just as he was close to dozing slumped forward in his chair, Bones’ exhausted voice crackled over the intercom. “Kirk, sickbay.” it was the least formal summons Jim ever received, but if Bones was calling him this hour of the morning… if Bones was in sickbay this hour of the morning…

In only a few minutes, Jim threw on some civvies and met an equally informal Bones in front of Leona’s room. The girl was sobbing.

“What’s happened?”

“It was a nightmare. The nurse I assigned couldn’t wake her and I was close already…” From here, Jim could see through to the doctor’s office and a blanket and pillow piled onto the short sofa in it. “I got her awake but she wants you.” McCoy noted Kirk’s own exhausted appearance and Jim saw him begin to doubt whether he should have called the Captain in the middle of the night. 

“Thanks Len,” Jim said genuinely, squeezing Bones’ shoulder. “Let me go see what I can do. You should try and get some sleep.” He stopped in the doorway first, blinking in the bright light. He didn’t want to scare her more than her nightmares had. “Hey.”

Leona choked on a couple of sobs before sitting up and regarding him.

“I heard you had a bad dream?” 

She took a very shaky breath and nodded.

“Can I come in?”

She nodded again. As he walked over, she slid over to the opposite side of the biobed. Kirk paused, afraid she was doing so out of fear, but then he realized that she wanted him to sit there. Carefully, he sat down on the bed and seeing her sock covered feet burrowed under the blanket, kicked off his shoes and stretched out his legs in front of him. Immediately, she leaned against his side and wrapped her arms around his torso. She was still crying. 

Jim ran his hand in soothing circles on her back like he had distant memories of his mother doing. 

“Was it a really bad dream?”

“Yes,” she said, muffled by his shirt. 

“You know, I heard that talking about your nightmare can make you feel better. Sometimes when you talk about it, you start to think about how silly it was, and then you realize it was never very scary at all.” Like many officers, Kirk suffered from his fair share of post traumatic stress. When it manifested in a bad dream, Spock often opened his mind to Jim and let Jim dump all of the horrors into their shared mindspace. Often what haunted him was lackluster under the Vulcan’s scrutiny. ”Do you wanna talk about it yet?”

“No.”

“Okay.” His toe nudged something hard at the bottom of the bed. He strained his neck to see the book where he left it that morning. “Would you like me to read to you.”

“Yes.” She sniffed again.

For about ten minutes, Kirk read. By the end of the chapter, she was still leaning against him, but had dropped her hold around him and now sagged over his arm, peering at the pages. Every now and then, her breath would rattle. Jim briefly worried if it was a symptom of the cell reconstruction in her lungs, but if Bones didn’t worry about it, Jim figured it was just from the crying. 

When her breathing quieted finally and her eyelids were beginning to droop (as were his own), he closed the book and asked again. “Do you want to talk about it now?”

“It was really bad,” she whispered.

“That’s okay. Sometimes I have really bad dreams too.” He squinted up at the glaring ceiling light and then to the time projected on the biofunction monitor. 05:29. If he didn’t leave now, he’d fall asleep right here. “You should probably get to sleep, kid.” He ordered the lights to dim and started to slowly lift his arm out from under her. 

“No!” she whimpered. She jumped up to her knees and twisted so she could throw her arms round his neck and stuck herself to his chest. Jim took the impact with a weak groan. He was too tired to fight her, so he just pat her back. She peered up at him and he propped his lips up in a lopsided smile.

“Okay, you win, but you have to sleep, got it?”

“I promise.” She sank back onto the bed, but kept her arms around him and her head cradled on his chest.

“Very good.” He knew he would wake up incredibly sore and it really wasn’t the appropriate thing for a Starfleet captain to do, but he really couldn’t just say no to her and she was already half asleep, and since when did he care what was appropriate for a Starfleet captain to do anyway? 

~~~

There was a really big flash of light and a rumbling and then the lights went out. Someone, he couldn’t see him really, picked him up and put him someplace low and dark.

Jim couldn’t remember what happened to start it, but all he knew was that there was a fire. And people were screaming for help. But how did he know that? He was someplace dark, slowly filling with the scent of smoke. 

He tried feeling around the walls. Where he was wasn’t very tall, he could only curl up in one of the corners and his arms, when he reached out met the other walls too quickly. This place was too small. There was a seam along the opposite wall like it might be a door. He tried to push at it. He tried to pound at it. He thought maybe it would open if he threw his whole body against it, but there was something heavy on the other side, it wasn’t just locked. 

And he didn’t want to hurt it. 

What didn’t he want to hurt? Who?

Now the smoke made him cough. He tried screaming, but now everything was quiet outside. He tried screaming and pounding on the walls of where he was until he choked. 

He tried screaming again, but he couldn’t anymore, burning his throat and lungs to even try and he could barely lift his hands anymore. Everything was warm and hazy and dark. He fell asleep.

~~~

Jim opened his eyes with a gasp. It took him several shaky breaths to reorient himself. He was still in Leona’s room in sickbay, he was still on her biobed, the lights were still dim. The time on the biofunction monitor read 05:30. 

He hadn’t been asleep. That wasn’t a dream.

He still felt a weight on his chest and he looked down, expecting to see Leona still there, peacefully waiting for sleep, but she was sitting up, hands on his chest and terribly afraid. 

“Hey…” he said weakly. Still his heart was fluttering and he felt a drop of sweat run down his forehead.

“Jim!” It was McCoy, rushing in from his office. “Jesus, Jim! Are you alright? You were shouting.”

“Wha—” He swung his head around and saw through the windows that the nurses in sickbay had stopped working and were all watching him. He looked back down at Leona. “Hey kid, what did I just see?”

“I told you it was really bad!” She threw herself at his chest again and Jim wrapped his arms tightly around her. She was crying again and he could even feel tears brimming at his own eyes. 

He coughed to try and clear the lump in his throat while shooting a look at McCoy. “We’re okay, Bones… you can go back to sleep.”

“We’re talking about this later,” Bones said, terse and serious. 

“Yeah,” Jim nodded. “I think we’d need to.”

Bones turned back to his office and barked at everyone to get back to work.

Jim stroked Leona’s hair and thought. Any drowsiness he felt before had been scared out of him and now his curiosity took over. “That dark place…” he said carefully. “Is that what you saw in your dream?”

“Yes.” 

“Have you been there before?” He was unsure how she would respond to that. He would have to ask about the threshold of the Betazoid trauma filter. If it came back to her in a dream, perhaps the entire incident had been allocated to her metaconscious. But if she remembered it at all, even in a dream… “Is that a real place?”

She nodded.

“Okay,” He began to sit up, but she kept her hands firmly on his chest. He took her hands in his. “It’s okay, I’m not leaving, I just need to think.” She watched him cross his legs as she sat across from him on her knees, large black eyes almost unblinking. 

“What you showed me…” he felt silly saying it, but it as the only way he could think to describe what happened. “What you showed me, that’s what you saw in your dream? That woke you up?”

She nodded. 

Next, the question of which he had no doubts about the answer: “And was that dream also a memory?”

She did not give a response which made Jim realize she may not know. Sure, her brain could make her relive it all, but it did not have to admit it was real. That distinction was buried deeply in her Betazoid metaconscious. Kirk decided to take a different approach. “Leona, how much do you remember about what happened before you woke up here?”

She shrugged and fell back against the elevated back of the biobed and drew her knees to her chest.

Jim hated himself for what he was about to ask. “Do you remember the last time you saw your dad.”

Leona thought hard with her chin propped on her knees. “He took me to see the bug.”

Jim frowned. “Bug?”

Her black eyes lit up. “Mearri’s beetle.” Jim remembered seeing the name Dr. Mearri Mostra on the list of the deceased. “Last week, she went on the shuttle to the surface and she caught a beetle. I got to pet him because Mearri was done watching him and she had to take him back…” Her enthusiasm faltered and then dimmed when she realized. She knit her brows in confusion and mounting frustration. “I don’t know what happened after she put him away… and it was dark. I… I think there was a loud noise.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, there probably was.” 

She perked back up, “Daddy would know! Ask him!”

He looked at her helpful expression and felt something clench in his chest. “I cant right now because…” _I’m here with you_. The half-truth, mostly-lie he intended to tell stopped on his lips. “Hey Leona,” he tried again. “I think you can tell that we’re not on the satellite anymore, right?”

She looked like she hadn’t really thought of that. “Where is it?”

“It’s a few lightyears away by now…” During the course of his captaincy, Jim had been required to make calls to the families of officers he lost. Until now, he never appreciated the distance and impersonality of those duties. “That loud noise. You remembered the loud noise?”

She nodded. 

“That was an explosion.” he watched her closely but her face betrayed nothing but a little confusion. “And you said it got dark first, right? That was the power surge. It made the explosion happen in the lab you were in. And it started a fire. Your dad put you in the cupboard, the dark place in your dream, he put you there so you wouldn’t get hurt by the fire. He uh… he… the fire spread and he… your dad and your mom weren’t able to escape from the fire. I’m sorry.” 

Her lack of understanding filled his mind until it hurt. He lay his hand on the mattress and hoped she would take it. She was unsure of what to do, unsure of how much she trusted him anymore, so her hand just hovered above his. 

Jim took a heavy breath before clarifying. “They died in the fire.”

Her hand flinched away and an anguish that should be beyond a child cut through her. “No… no,” she whimpered. “You’re lying!”

Jim leaned back against the bed. Why the hell did he… “No, I’m not lying.”

“You’re wrong!”

Had he thought ahead far enough to think of her reaction to the news, he may have been afraid that she would scream and act out. He could have prepared himself for that. What he could not have prepared for was her quiet. Tears streamed from her eyes, but she barely raised her voice above the whimper she used to accuse him. “I’m sorry. Leona, I’m so, so sorry.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. He wished so much that Spock were here with him. He would have known better what to say. Maybe she would have been angry at Jim then. And he could have dealt with that, though now he was getting less sure of that too. 

Jim was surprised to feel a warm weight settle by his side. He looked down to see Leona curled up next to him. She was still crying, but she was now completely quiet. She rested her head on his chest again and clung to his shirt tightly with one hand. ‘Stay?”

“Of course.” A lump in Jim’s throat broke and his voice was hoarse. He just cleared his throat and flipped the coarse sickbay blanket over them both. “I’ll stay as long as you want. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a scale from 9 to 10 how much did you cry?  
> Literally when I finished this chapter, I couldn't write for the rest of the night.  
> Yell at me on tumblr: fairwellersmustache  
> May I offer my Star Trek tag (#st) for a lot of fluffy Spirk fanart in this trying time?
> 
> Thanks to Memory Alpha and Memory Beta, and as always, special thanks to Fantasy Name Generator!
> 
> Subscribe to stay tuned! Ch. 4: "A Daughter of Betazed" will be posted January 29th!


	4. "A Daughter of Betazed"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After last night’s telepathic incident, Kirk learns about the singular bond he and Leona share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to andydear for living, laughing, betareading.  
> Please imagine Neenomat Hean played by Catherine O’Hara c. Schitt’s Creek.

Jim woke up only a couple of hours later. His neck and back were sore from falling asleep half sitting up. Leona, who had fallen asleep tucked into his side, now curled up like a cat on the bed with the pillow squashed under her cheek and clutched to her chest. Jim slid carefully off of the biobed and took a moment to smile at her fondly. He had broken her heart, delivered the worst news he could give to a six-year-old, and she still trusted him. He swore to himself that he would not do anything to jeopardize that trust. 

He found Bones in his office, lounging on the sofa (blanket and pillow sitting folded neatly to be returned to the biobed where they belonged) and scrolling through a PADD. “Morning,” he greeted without looking up. 

“Good morning,” Kirk replied. He waited for Bones to say anything more, but Bones clearly wanted him to go first. Jim wrung his hands until he finally said: “So, um… she shouldn’t be telepathic, should she?”

Bones put the PADD next to him on the seat and scowled at him. “No Jim, she really shouldn’t be.”

“How is this my fault?” Jim cried, sitting heavily in McCoy’s desk chair. 

“I don’t know, but I’m sure somehow it is.”

Jim shrugged. Usually that was a fair assumption. 

Bones crossed his legs and sat back. He picked his PADD back up and poised a stylus over it. “Okay, tell me from the beginning.”

“What?” Jim was always a little amused when Bones transformed from being his friend to being his doctor. 

“Don’t be cute, save that for your pet lizard.” Jim let that go. “Tell me everything even remotely strange that has happened to you since we found Leona.” 

Jim thought back to two days ago, when he picked her up. She had opened her eyes. Bones restrained himself from commenting on how Jim never told him that. Jim recounted how she held onto his hand while he read to her before she woke up, and how she remembered him by his voice when she did. Obviously, there was the dark place. Jim described in as much detail as he could remember about the vision she had given him and how she seemed unsure about whether it was real or not, but that she trusted him when he said it was. 

When Jim was done, Bones reviewed the notes he took. “The confusion could be the Betazoid trauma filter,” he mumbled.

“That’s what I thought too.”

“Was there anything else you experienced in the last two days? Odd or uncharacteristic feelings?”

Jim drummed his fingers on the desk while he shuffled back through the last two days. “There was… right before Dr. Ruan paged me here yesterday afternoon, I felt restless. I couldn’t sit still, I ended up pacing in my ready room. I felt… it’s so strange to say on my own ship, but I felt trapped.”

“Okay.” Bones began to lower the PADD.

“But there was something else. Last night, I had trouble sleeping… the ship felt weird to me.”

“Weird how?” Bones’ voice was professional and measured, but Jim still felt crazy for saying it. 

“Like I’d never been on a starship before, loud, you know? Too noisy. I tried rolling over about five times, but it was just too strange… I was already awake when you paged me."

Bones nodded as he finished his notes. “That indicates an empathic connection as well, which I suspected.”

“What I still don’t understand is what allowed her to share the vision with me?” he asked. “Spock usually requires physical contact with my meld points to share a clear vision like that with me, and even then it’s never felt so real.”

Jim expected a snarky comment about what he and Spock did not being any of Bones’ business, but instead Bones was contemplative. “Keep in mind, Spock’s a mature Vulcan who received dedicated instruction on how to use his telepathy; Leona is six. He may be filtering what he shows you so it isn’t too real. With the kid, you asked what she saw and she showed you. However, the t’hy’la connection that you and Spock share is not dissimilar to the Betazoid’s ‘imzadi’ connection. Both require a certain level of emotional intimacy and physical proximity with the person they share the bond with, but a Betazoid’s capability is not enhanced by touch like a Vulcan’s is. Betazoids’ abilities are also highly compatible with other humanoid species while Vulcan empathy and telepathy are mostly effective within their race.”

“‘Imzadi’? Isn’t that rare?”

Bones shrugged. “Less rare than a t’hy’la. Betazoids value the free expression of emotion much more than Vulcans. If this were the twentieth century Earth, I’d say that Betazoids were proponents of ‘free love.’ Usually the paracortex, that’s the part of the brain in telepaths and empaths that control their psychic abilities, doesn’t develop in Betazoids until adolescence. We could do some scans if we wanted, but dollars to dumplings, we’d find it’s prematurely developed. It’s my guess that she had already formed more sophisticated imzadi bonds with both of her parents.”

“So this isn’t new?” Jim felt more comfortable with that explanation.

“Not for her. I also suspect that when they died, the bonds severed. It may have caused her mind more trauma than the actual fire did and festered like a raw wound, so when you took her out of the cabinet—”

“I took their place.”

Bones nodded gravely. “At least to her. She was looking for someone to latch onto. When she saw you and recognized you were trying to help her, she opened an immediate connection. It probably helped that your mind is already acclimated to sharing a telepathic presence and that when you found her, that presence was absent. You were as open to a connection as she was.”

“Fuck,” Jim swore, scrubbing his hand down his face. 

Bones nodded sympathetically. 

“She doesn’t talk very much,” Jim noted. “I don’t know many six year olds, but usually all a kid can do is talk your ear off.”

“Why should she?” Bones posed. “She’s been raised in a society where everyone can read her mind. And thanks to her little developmental anomaly, that includes her human mother too. I suspect Betazoids in general aren’t a very chatty race—”

“You haven’t had to speak with their government,” Jim joked. 

Bones spared a distracted chuckle. “I thought you liked being a diplomat.” he paused just long enough for Jim to respond in the form of a crumpled, disquiet face. “Nevermind that, though, the kid is still traumatized. I doubt she’ll regain much interest in communicating verbally until she’s processed her grief, if not the trauma too. Until then, I predict she’s going to rely on your bond for the finer points of communication. But we already know all that. That’s not the interesting part.”

“Then what is?”

“How effectively can you communicate back?”

Jim frowned. He hadn’t thought of that. She had exerted so much mental influence over him that he hadn’t even considered… Even though he was no stranger to telepathic communication, Spock was a Vulcan and an adult, his contact was downright reserved compared to Leona’s barrage of emotions. Jim explained this to the doctor.

Bones thought on this for a while and concluded: “You can’t ever tell him this, but this is the first time I actually wish Spock was on board.”

Jim gave into a surprised chuckle. “Why?”

“An inborn telepath is going to be able to examine her connection with you a lot better than I can second hand. Goddamn, if he weren’t the only one on the crew…” Bones shot Jim a shrewd look. “That does not leave this room.”

Jim crossed his heart.

“Besides, if he heard, his ego’d swell right out of his cavernous ears,” Bones, muttered. Jim missed Spock’s ears. 

He sighed, less like a lovelorn pup than out of weariness. Bones’ analysis was making his head spin. How did he suddenly have responsibility over a child? She was a child. How did lifting her out of a cabinet make him any more obliged to her than the countless other rescuees he saved? He jammed the button to Bones’ desk comm with more force than he intended. “Captain Kirk to the bridge: any new communications from the Betazed council?”

“No, sir,” Uhura’s voice came over the speaker above them. 

“Thanks, Commander. Kirk out. Fuck, fuck.” Jim grumbled

Bones waited patiently until Jim was done to say, “What happens if no one comes forward?”

“I don’t know yet,” Jim answered honestly, “but I’m sure as hell going to find out.” 

~~~

Back in his uniform, caffeinated, and put together to the best of his ability, Kirk took conference with a Betazed councilwoman in his ready room. “Councilwoman Hean,” he said, standing with his hands behind his back.

“Captain,” she smiled ostentatiously from the view screen. “A pleasure to hear from you. Do you have an update on dear Leona?” she took great pleasure saying the child’s name, like she was talking to a tiny dog. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing, Councilwoman.” Nennomat Hean was his least favorite of the Betazed council he’d had to talk to so far for her aloofness and condescension. “The child no longer needs medical attention and as long as she’s here, she’s taking up a bed in our sickbay that someone else could use. And none of my officers are babysitters.” He knew it was pretty useless to lie to a fully matured Betazoid, even through the viewscreen, but he tried to keep a cold and dispassionate exterior that fed off of his very honest impatience with the process. “You have their personnel records, Yarro and Fonesca, I trust. Osren Yarro is from one of the oldest houses on your planet. Surely there’s a brother or an aunt or grandparent who wants to see his daughter properly placed.”

Hean’s smile grew poisonously pleasant. She did not appreciate his condescension as much as she did her own. “We have, of course, reached out to the few concerned parties we could find, but they are hesitant to accept the responsibility. Her human relatives are even more so.”

“Hesitant?” Kirk demanded, fighting to keep a civil tone. “May I ask what you mean by that, Councilwoman?” 

“I meant what I said, Captain. We cannot force our citizens to take on a child, especially one that presents Miss Yarro’s particular challenges.”

“Challenges? What challenges? She’s a child! All children present challenges.”

Hean gave him a knowing look and Kirk realized that his facade was useless. “Clearly, Captain, you have formed an attachment to the child. You may not be able to recognize it, but apparently Miss Yarro’s paracortex is overdeveloped for her age. Children who access their abilities so early will never learn how to control them properly. Their lives are very painful because they cannot filter the emotions of others the way Betazoids who mature normally do. Guardians of such children often find their care exceedingly difficult. I cannot ask you to understand the complexities of our biology or our culture, Captain, but I do hope you trust our dedication to the child, she is still a daughter of Betazed.”

“Noted.” Kirk bristled at every word she said, but he could detect the subtle telepathic influence she projected to suppress his anger. He brushed it off and endeavored to keep his mind as singularly focused as possible for the duration of their conversation. 

She quirk her eyebrow as the thought came over him. “You’ll forgive me, Captain. It is only natural for a Betazoid to placate when faced with confrontation.”

“Is it also natural for a Betazoid to discriminate against their children?” Jim went around his desk and sat, anxiously drumming his fingers, this time with the hastiness and personal disregard of his anger. “Should you fail to find any individual capable of looking past the flaws you assign to Miss Yarro… what will happen to her?”

Hean looked pleased at his surrender of the argument. “Why then she will be designated as a ward of the Fifth House and fostered. Really Captain, don’t be so glum, Betazed is a wealthy planet with deep respect for all its residents. She will be treated well.” 

“Councilwoman, two days ago, this child had a family that loved her, who forfeited their lives with the hope of saving her. If tomorrow, I were put into the same situation, I would do the same. I hope, Nennomat, that you would do the same. Any less is an insult to Dr. Yarro and Ms. Fonesca’s lives and their deaths.”

Kirk ended the call before she could respond and swore once again that day, but loudly now in the empty ready room. He felt his anxiety build as he stared at the black screen. He was in no position to make a decision concerning Leona’s future. Despite his fondness… despite their bond, he had no authority. If no one came forward… if there was no one in the entire galaxy that wanted her… he would not let her go to the state. He would not. He would not. 

As his anxiety peaked, Jim realized that though his fears were his, the anxiety was not. Leona must have woken up and was worried because he was gone.

The nagging voice of the ideal Starfleet captain in his head scolded him for neglecting his duties on the bridge so often and for so long, but thankfully the overpowering voice of Captain Kirk reminded him that the ship was already on course for Earth. Until he received word from Betazed or orders from Starfleet, they would remain so, reaching Earth in two days. At the moment, Leona was his mission. 

When he reached sickbay, he was relieved to see Leona with Dr. Ruan, listening intently to the doctor describe what each section of the biofunction monitor beside her biobed measured. Kirk intuited that she was much more subdued than the day before. She was still happy to see him; he could feel the spark in his chest, and see the brightness in her small smile. 

“Get enough sleep?” he asked, crossing his arms and pretending to look her over with a sharp stare. 

She nodded. 

He replied with his own nod, “Good. Because we’re going on an adventure.”

He walked much more slowly than he would have without the shadow that crept beside him. As soon as they left sickbay, she swung her gaze all around the corridors of the ship. She looked fascinated by everything. He even had to stop a couple of times and wait for her to catch up when she had been engrossed by something or other. “Been cooped up in sickbay for a while, huh?” Jim observed, feeling a little guilty for not thinking of taking her out of sickbay earlier. She was a child, boundless energy came naturally to her. It would probably be good for everyone involved if they let her run a few laps around the saucer section. 

“It’s just about mealtime,” Jim said as they reached the turbolift. “How about we get you something to eat other than Dr. Bones’ Super-Nutritious Nutrient Surprise and then I’ll take you on a tour of the ship?”

She nodded noncommittally, then tugged on his sleeve. “Do I live here now?” she asked. 

“No,” he said quickly. He was caught off guard from the brief flicker of sadness he thought he saw flit across her face. “There’s—We’re looking right now for a relative of one of your parents. And you’re going to go live with them.”

“Who?”

“We’re not sure yet, but it’s going to be someone who’s gonna love you a lot. And they’re going to be here soon.”

“But—” she wasn’t satisfied with his answer and he knew it, but luckily they arrived on deck three and the turbolift door opened into a busy hallway. Jim kept Leona close, steering her through the crowd by the shoulders until they got to one of the less populated recreation rooms. Some people gave him odd looks as he navigated with the child, but they stopped almost as soon as he saw them. None of them wanted to be seen questioning the captain, so they kept their thoughts to themselves. 

Jim steered her right up to the replicator and rubbed his hands together. “Okay kid, if you could have anything in the galaxy right now, what would it be?”

Just a moment later, they sat down at a table in the corner to a feast of steaming clay bowls of Moqueca with Betazed cavat, freshly sliced sadi, and two warm mugs of hot chocolate. Kirk picked quietly at his food, but mostly he watched Leona as she ate. She seemed to be hungry and enjoyed the synthesizer’s approximation of her mother’s recipe and the fruit of her native planet, but in the bustling room, she kept getting distracted.

Whenever anyone walked by their table, she would completely stop eating and lock her eyes, nearly unblinking, on the person until they left the room or were swallowed up by the crowd. 

This must have been one of the manifestations of her premature abilities. She was engrossed by each person, unable to unattach herself from their conscience. 

He waited until she set her bowl of stew, half-eaten, aside and had finished the sadi clean before he asked, “So, are you able to tell what everyone here is feeling?”

She shrugged, lifting the mug of cocoa to her lips. 

He handed her a napkin when she brought the mug back down to reveal a semicircular chocolate mustache and looked like she was about to go for her sleeve. “How about—” his question was interrupted by her eyes darting over to a pair of passing ensigns who were laughing loudly as they left the rec room. Her face lit up briefly with mirth, but dimmed again after they passed. 

“What about thoughts. Are you able to tell what people are thinking?”

She shook her head. “Only feelings.”

Kirk nodded. Sure she was a powerful kid, but she wasn’t full Betazoid, which invariably dampened her abilities. He supposed it was a small blessing. Now came the question he dreaded. “Does it hurt?”

She put down her mug and wiped her face again with the napkin. “Not a lot anymore.”

“It used to?” 

She nodded. “It used to hurt a lot so Mommy brought me to Dr. Tiso and she helped me.”

Kirk swallowed. The psychologist Heren Tiso was another name listed among the deceased. “Does it still hurt sometimes?”

She nodded. 

“When?”

“Bad feelings. A lot of feelings.”

Jim looked around the teeming room. “Does it hurt here?”

“Not yet.” It sounded ominous, but Jim understood. With so many people, so many different emotions contained in such a small space, the pressure would build and it would eventually overwhelm her. He watched as her gaze flicked over to a nearby table where a lieutenant and an ensign argued over an engineering problem. Here brows knit and Jim could feel her become increasingly frustrated, until Jim won back her attention with his next question. 

“What do you do now, when it hurts a lot? Did your parents and Dr. Tiso help?”

She nodded, her feet went back to swinging under the table. “Daddy used to pick me up and stop it. My mom used to try, but Daddy was better at it.”

“How did your dad stop it?”

She shrugged, “He made me think of other things.”

“And that’s what your mom tried to do too?”

She nodded, lifting her mug once again and giving Kirk time to think. Kirk theorized that Osren Yarro and Rosario Fonesca were actually using their imzadi-like connections with Leona to perform telepathy on their daughter. Osren, a full-blooded Betazoid would have long ago mastered the technique. Rosario, however, would not have been familiar with the ability at all, being completely human. He wondered, also, if that was why Osren and Rosario pursued a life on a satellite. What would be better for Leona than a remote research satellite with only three dozen residents, all of whom had the ability to calm her if she should grow overwhelmed? They must have loved her very much.

The _Enterprise_ was a big ship. Jim hoped he would be able to provide some comfort to Leona when it inevitably overpowered her. 

“I miss them,” Leona’s small voice cut through Jim’s thoughts.

“Yeah?” he said softly. Her black eyes bored into him with their solemnity as she peered at him over her mug. “That’s okay. You should. I’ve read about them. I know they loved you a whole lot.”

“I wish they were here.” 

“Me too.”

“I don’t wanna go with anyone,” she declared suddenly.

“Well… you could always join Starfleet,” he joked, feeling deeply inadequate at that moment. “Would you like to work sciences, operations, or command? Your uniform will be a little big, and we may need to raise the height on a few chairs, but I’d personally be honored to have you on my bridge, ensign.”

“I’m just a kid!”

“You have to start sometime, and the sooner the better. I was the youngest captain at thirty-two. At this rate you’d beat me by a decade at least.”

“You’re silly!” she decided, failing to hide her giggles behind her hands. 

Jim relaxed. “Yeah, I guess I am. Okay kid, almost done with that cocoa? Where would you like to start our tour?”

“What is there?” she put down her mug one last time and forgot the napkin, opting for her sleeve, which Kirk had thought would have been safe by now. 

“Well there’s the biolab, that might be familiar. There’s the transporter room, botany, the rec decks, the observation deck. I could take you to the bridge, that’s where I spend most of my time.” He realized too late that he had lost her in the descriptions and that she had no idea what half of the places he said were. 

“Let’s start on the bridge,” he proposed. “Besides, I’ve been spending so much time with you they’ve probably forgotten my face by now.”

~~~

The bridge operated in a companionable quiet. These days, when their only mission was to get from planet A to planet B, there was not much for the bridge crew to do but monitor the space they passed through or to catch up on maintenance that fell by the wayside during their more exciting adventures. The lack of excitement, in addition to Spock’s absence, made the bridge one of Jim’s least favorite places.

Nevertheless, he ushered Leona onto the bridge and hung back for a moment as she was transfixed by the large view screen that showed the _Enterprise_ hurtling through space at warpspeed.

One by one, the bridge crew realized there was a child on the deck and looked to Jim for an explanation, which he happily refrained from giving until Leona wandered back to him. “Everyone,” he said, with all the proper pomp and circumstance as if Leona were an important foreign ambassador, “may I introduce our distinguished passenger Miss Leona Yarro. I promised her a tour of the bridge.” 

The bridge greeted her from their places. They all knew about the child, everyone on board knew about her, but so far, her details were kept strictly to the medical staff that attended to her. And of that, only Bones knew about the bond.

Jim steered Leona to Uhura’s station first where Uhura and Sulu were discussing something barely tangential to work. They both greeted her kindly. Sulu knelt down and mentioned that he had a daughter only a few years younger than Leona named Demora. “I didn’t know that, Mr. Sulu,” Kirk said genially.

Sulu flicked his gaze up to his Captain. “You’ve met her, sir.”

Kirk frowned, trying to remember. “I don’t think so.”

Uhura cleared her throat from her chair. “You said she looked like a tomato,” she reminded him with a self-satisfied smile. 

Leona covered her mouth with her hands as she tried not to laugh at Jim’s own reddening face. 

“He’s a little silly, isn’t he?” Uhura told Leona confidentially.

“I said that!” the child crowed, this time not even trying to cover her fit of laughter that Uhura shared. 

“She’s got your number, Jim,” Uhura murmured while Sulu took Leona to the helm. 

“I don’t have a number, Nyota,” Jim said, a little insulted. 

“Hmm…” Uhura turned back to facing her station and said in a sing-songy tone “I think I know of a Vulcan who’s got it.”

Jim indulged in a snort of laughter. “Okay, okay.”

She twisted back to face him, this time with a more sympathetic smile. “I know it’s not my place, but just make sure you reply to your husband.”

“What? The guy doesn’t hear from me for one day and suddenly he’s worried?” Secretly, the thought pleased him none too much. “And he’s complaining to you about it?”

“I could just tell there was something in his tone when I got a message from him this morning. He’s worried, but he doesn’t want to say so because he thinks you’re a big boy.”

“His words?” Jim teased. 

“My words, his feelings.”

“I didn’t know I had two empaths on board,” he continued to joke, but when she looked unimpressed, he cleared his throat and amended. “As soon as I get Leona back to sickbay, I’ll respond, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not pictured: Jim waiting awkwardly and protectively outside of a stall while Leona has to use the bathroom à la Monsters, Inc.  
> Apologies to startrek.com and Memories Alpha and Beta for mangling Betazoid lore. And as always, special thanks to Fantasy Name Generator.
> 
> Chat with me on tumblr!: fairwellersmustache
> 
> Chapter 5: "Risa, Postponed" will be posted February 5th! Subscribe to stay tuned!


	5. "Risa, Postponed"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the transportation window between the Enterprise and the nearest Betazoid vessel narrows, Kirk and Bones discuss Leona’s future. Kirk finally receives promising news from Betazed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to andydear or betareading in general and laughing at my jokes, specifically.

Kirk left sickbay exhausted. After Leona explored the bridge (he even let her sit in the command chair and order Chekov to continue on course), he took her through the rec deck, but it was too crowded, so they quickly escaped to the observation deck, where she spent several minutes with her face pressed right up to the convex window and said it was like flying. He pointed out a few of his favorite star configurations and she asked him about the difference between types of stars, which he explained with relish. The transporter room was empty and the biolab too busy for visitors, so Kirk ended their tour at the botany lab.

He liked what the new resident botanist did with the place. She made it more like a conservatory garden than the sterile lab it was before and welcomed guests. With the arcing sun lamp overhead, Jim could almost imagine he was planetside, somewhere lush and quiet. There, he let Leona run around from flower to bush to tree. She excitedly pointed out a Betazed muktok bush, in full bloom, laden with fuzzy pink flowers. She said one of her friends on Betazed had a pet turtle named Muktok.

By the time Jim got back to his quarters, he was more beat than he had been in a long time, but nevertheless he was brimming with happiness, fun. It had been a little too long since he had such a satisfying challenge. But, his mood dampened when he saw Lt. Cdr. Vickhram’s final engineering report on the satellite disaster waiting for him on his computer.

It was Vickhram’s final opinion that though the satellite had systems programmed into place to prevent every failure it experienced, the failsafes were rendered useless by the extraordinary confluence of events. It wasn’t a good answer, it wasn’t satisfying, it wasn’t even a mystery, but it was the answer, and everyone, including the government of Betazed, had to live with it. 

Kirk stared at the report and seethed until he saw that he had a new subspace message waiting for him on his computer console. Guilt pierced his anger when he remembered what he promised Uhura. Carefully, he listened to Spock’s message from the day before, as well as the one that came in while he was traipsing around the ship with Leona. 

> “Nyota told me that she has barely seen you on the bridge since you rescued the child,” 

Spock said in today’s message. Jim could hear the frown in his husband’s voice. It wasn’t disapproval, which he was afraid of, but concern, which was probably worse. 

> “I have not heard anything about the satellite incident, so I inferred the situation is delicate. I hope that the child will be well.”

“She’s perfect,” Jim muttered, though no one was there to hear him.

Spock ended his message in a conspiratorial tone, 

> “I look forward to meeting you on Risa wearing  _ whatever you deem appropriate _ , no matter how illogical the attire.”

Jim snorted when he heard that. He could imagine the slight green flush that would have colored Spock’s cheeks as he leaned close to the recording element on his tricorder to say it so softly. 

Jim was at least glad to hear from Spock that the conference was winding down and that if he was able to board the U.S.S.  _ Thunderbolt _ , he could be waiting for Jim on Risa in two days. 

_ Risa _ . Jim couldn’t go to Risa now.

If the Betazed council didn’t come through in the next few hours, Leona would have to stay on the  _ Enterprise _ after they docked on Earth. And Jim couldn’t leave her until he knew she was safe. He had promised that she would be okay, and he was going to do everything he could to make sure of it.. 

After tapping his fingers on his desk with increasing force until he was afraid he’d bruised his fingertips, he retrieved his tricorder. “Spock…” There had been so little time in their lives since they met that he and Spock were not on the same page that Jim really did not know how to start (that included their mutual attraction, relationship, and Jim’s proposal—though the Vulcan made a show of surprise that his t’hy’la could see right through).

He wanted to apologize, but he didn’t really feel sorry. He wanted to promise that he would only be a day or so late, but Jim didn’t make promises he didn’t intend on keeping. So he settled for insultingly professional. 

“I regret that I have to postpone our leave. Circumstances with the Betazoid child are complicated and I cannot… It is my duty to see things through with the Federation and the Betazed council.” He scanned his console for a moment before continuing, “According to Starfleet flight plans, if you’re able to board the  _ Cossack  _ you can meet us close Earth in a day and a half… you are, of course, welcome to still take your leave on Risa if you want to I just… I have to stay aboard. I hope, um, I hope you understand.” 

The rest of Jim’s message was made up of brief responses to each of the anecdotes that Spock shared. Jim ended the message feeling worse than when he started it—which he thought was a particular talent.

At least he still had the rest of his evening to look forward to. Like they did a few times every week, some of the bridge crew and senior officers gathered in the crewman’s lounge for drinks and entertainment  _ du jour _ . Kirk entered the lounge and made his way to the corner of the room they dominated without announcement. Barely anyone noticed him until he fell heavily onto the sofa beside Bones, who was getting into an animated row with Scotty while Uhura watched with amusement (she was subtly antagonizing the doctor, no doubt because she felt the fraternity of the red uniform and couldn’t bear it if a blue shirt won).

Scotty interrupted whatever Bones was in the middle of saying to boom out, “Captain! Hardly knew if we shoulda been expecting you tonight.” 

“Don’t I come every week?” Jim said as Bones handed him a violently orange beverage. He raised the glass in question, but Bones only shook his head and muttered, “Don’t ask.”

“He means without Spock,” Nyota said like she was translating an alien signal on the bridge.

“What, I’m supposed to be alone in our cabin moping?”

Scotty laughed. “Well it seems whenever you do come, all you do is sit canoodlin’ in the corner ‘til you can slip out.”

Jim felt himself blushing, but chose to blame it on the drink. “We do not!”

“Aye, sir.” Scotty wisely left his argument there. 

Bones slung his arm around Jim’s shoulders and asked the three, “Y’all remember when Jim was first on board. Wouldn’t socialize at all until, Nyota, you told him Spock sometimes played the harp and sang. Then we couldn’t kick the kid out.”

Jim’s blush deepened significantly.

“Not ‘til the pointy-eared Vulcan sang, you mean?” Scotty said, inspiring a laugh out of them all, even Jim.

After a few more volleys at Jim’s expense, the combined pleading of Scotty and Sulu and Chekov, who had just arrived, persuaded Uhura to break out the Vulcan harp and sing a song or two. Jim and Bones stayed across the room on the sofa, drinking quietly. 

“I heard your girl really charmed the pants off the bridge today,” Bones said with a hint of a smile. 

“She’s not my—Yes. She was great.”

“And the good word from Betazed?” 

Jim recounted his conversation with Councilwoman Hean this morning in a rendition laden with profanity that was not entirely appropriate for the captain to use, even socially.

When he was done, McCoy took a very long sip from his glass with his brows knit. It was a doctor’s expression if Jim ever saw one. “I knew it was unusual, but I did not know that it was painful to her.”

“I guess it’s like hearing. Humans can’t shut their ears like they do their eyes, but over time, our brain learns what to listen to. It’s the same with Betazoids and empathy. They can’t turn it off, but they can focus on what they want to feel and tune out everything else.”

“And my guess is that Leona’s brain doesn’t know how to do that,” Bones said.

Jim nodded enthusiastically. (It was rare he got to explain something scientific to McCoy… or Spock…or anyone, really.) “It has to do with control,” Jim explained, his findings from his conversations with both Hean and Leona were supplemented by some reading he managed to get done before coming to the lounge. “Some Betazoids born already empathic and telepathic have much more difficulty screening and directing their abilities. From what I understood from a look at Leona’s medical records and Leona herself, her traits were not inborn, but appeared about two years ago. She was working with a specialist, but the doctor was in the fire. If only she’d escaped, she’d probably know how to take care of the kid… she’d probably be first in line to take her in—”

Bones bristled, “I can’t believe… really, I mean really, Jim, there’s no one on the entire planet with the… the compassion! To take in a… She’s just a kid!” 

Jim pat Bones’ arm. “Yeah, I know.” 

McCoy crossed his arms. “What does the almighty council expect us to do with her until they make a decision? You can’t just let a kid run around a starship for a week!”

Jim shrugged. “I’m more concerned that they won’t find anyone at all.” 

“They said they’d place her,” Bones reminded him.

Jim shook his head vehemently. “If she was ‘a ward of the Fifth House,’” just saying it filled Jim with disgust, “she wouldn’t get half the attention she needs, the control she gained will disappear, it’s not an option, Len,” he ended firmly.

“Okay.” A bout of applause from the other officers as Uhura finished her first song interrupted their conversation. Jim and Bones stopped to clap politely until Uhura started on a second song. McCoy turned back to Jim. “So, Captain, what are you going to do about it?”

Jim said it like it was obvious, “I’ll adopt her myself.”

“Jim, you can’t be serious?” Bones’ eyes bugged. “You know how much I hate to sound like a Vulcan, but that’s—that’s crazy!”

“No, Bones, it’s the only logical thing to do. We already have a bond—”

“Just because her traumatized brain latched on to that lonely bag of cats in your head—”

“We get along already—”

“You’ve known her for two days—”

“I can take care of her—”

“You have no idea what she needs, all you have is spotty, corrupted medicals records, the word of a six year old, and no experience with children or Betazoids—”

“Yeah, but at least I care enough to try!” Jim hadn’t realized how loud their argument was getting until he saw some heads swivel in their direction. Jim and Bones coughed self-consciously and each finished their glasses. “I care enough to try,” Jim repeated quietly.

Bones huffed out a long frustrated sigh. “Jim, you are the captain of the flagship of Starfleet. Your husband is the Chief Science Officer and First Officer of the same ship. How do you expect to even be able to take care of a child?”

“We’ll work it out.”

“Speaking of Spock, wouldn’t he like to know that he’s becoming a father while he’s planetside? Usually both parties like to be informed.”

“I’ll discuss it with him first—”

“Before or after you’ve submitted your resignation to Starfleet?”

“Come on Bones, it’s not impossible.”

“Never mind that she’s six years old. Don’t you think she’d like to learn how to read sometime? Or maybe long division? It’s none of our jobs to provide your child’s basic education. Then you might as well shuttle her off to Earth and then you’re back to square one. Jim, you were born on a ship, I’m half-convinced stars are in your blood. So tell me, honestly, would  _ you  _ leave the  _ Enterprise _ , would  _ you  _ leave space for anyone. Because I don’t think you could. Even for Spock, I think you’d have a hard time making that decision.”

“I don’t think I would have to make that decision.” Jim submitted to the cockeyed optimism that was expected of him… that he expected of himself.

Bones shook his head. “Jim, you know I think you have a knack for doing the impossible. You certainly could stay on as captain, but do you think Starfleet would let you keep your child on board?”

“It would certainly take some negotiation, but just like you said I am the captain of their flagship,” Jim flashed a winning grin. 

Bones scowled, but counseled himself before he spoke. “They were prepared to court martial you both when they found out about you and Spock. When you first wanted to get married, they threatened to transfer Spock to a different ship. Jim, how much goodwill do you think you have left?”

“Just enough for this, I think.” 

“And I think you’ll be disappointed.”

Uhura’s second song crescendoed and ended to another round of applause. She promised the other officers one more, but only if it was one of Scotty’s traditional shanties and if he joined her.

“I don’t know Bones, but it feels like the right thing to do… and if I have to choose, well, I hope I can rely on Mr. Sulu’s advice and yours.”

McCoy paused. He barely talked about his daughter and as a rule, Jim never brought it up, so it took them both by surprise. Jim sat in a guilty silence waiting for Bones’ response. First, he brushed his nose with his thumb and then he said, “Ask a shitty dad for advice, you’re fixing to get shitty advice.”

“Bones, I didn’t mean—“

Bones just shook his head and Jim could see forgiveness in the gesture before he continued, “Jim, if you think—no. Do you think I would be up here if Joanna needed me down there?” 

Jim hunched forward, elbows on his knees. Well this was certainly a crummy conversation. “I’m sorry, Len, I shouldn’t have brought it up…”

“Don’t think a thing of it,” he said, waving it off.

They listened a little to the crew get rowdy as Scotty’s shanty reaches the chorus and they all joined in. Jim even found himself running through the refrain of the familiar song.  _ Step we gaily, on we go/ Heel for heel and toe for toe/ Arm and arm and row on row _

Jim turned on the sofa to face Bones. “Do you really have that many doubts, Bones?”

He shrugged, “Sure I do, kid.”

Jim sighed and cradled his head in his hands.

Bones cuffed him on the shoulder, getting his attention. “You know,” he drawled, slipping into his native Georgian accent that had all but disappeared after a couple decades in space, “If I’ve learned anything since I’ve known you: doubting Jim Kirk only means one thing. You know what that is?”

Jim saw the prelude to a grin break out over McCoy’s face which was infectious. By the time he asked, “What’s that?” they were both grinning like dopes.

“He gets to prove me wrong.”

~~~

Jim left the crewmen's lounge feeling completely confident for the first time in three days. Sure he still needed to explain it all to Spock and have a few conversations with Starfleet, but a bright future was forming itself before his eyes. Oh, and at some point, he supposed the Betazed council should be informed too. 

And then he could ask Leona.

He hoped that she would agree. 

In his quarters, the monitor on his desk alerted him that he had received two new messages while he was away. At least one was from Spock, Jim reasoned. Maybe they both were. Jim knew his previous response was out of character. Perhaps it had worried Spock. He hoped Spock was not any more worried than he had been before…

But apparently he was.

Spock had only sent Jim one of the messages and it was worryingly brief,

> “Jim,
> 
> “You may expect me on the  _ Enterprise _ at approximately 09:00 hours on the day after tomorrow.”

After the first, the second communication felt like a wallop in the stomach. Councilwoman Nennomat Hean’s voice came clear and pinched from his monitor,

> “Captain Kirk,
> 
> “You will be pleased to know that we have found a family that is willing to bring Miss Yarro home, with the consent of Dr. Yarro’s next of kin, of course. Miss Yarro will be familiar with the family, they were also residents of the satellite, a Dr. Neeloro Irei and her daughters Tona and Tuveme. Oh how nice! Tona is Miss Yarro’s age. You see, Captain, these things take time!
> 
> “As we speak Dr. Irei is being transported aboard the Federation vessel, the  _ Bering _ . Captain Nakahara assures me the  _ Bering _ will be able to rendezvous with the  _ Enterprise _ while it is docked on Earth in two days. There, Captain, no need to thank me.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” he grumbled after the message ended. 

What information he could access on Neeloro Irei told him very little. Irei was a biochemist like Osren Yarro, she was widely published on Betazoid and had only been on the satellite for six months. She had the academic background that made Jim hopeful that she would understand Leona’s particular needs and a child her age meant almost a built in friend, like he and Sam. 

This was a good thing. A really good thing. This was the best possible outcome thing. This was the thing he wanted thing, the thing he asked for thing, the thing he was waiting for thing. This was a good thing.

This was a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments water my crops  
> Additional thanks as always to Memories Alpha and Beta and the Fantasy Name Generator.  
> Find me on tumblr at fairwellersmustache!
> 
> Chapter 6: "Memorials" will be posted Wednesday, February 12th! Subscribe to stay tuned!


	6. "Memorials"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gives Leona a gift before she goes. Spock returns to the Enterprise and is troubled by Jim’s recent behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to Spock’s eulogy for Kirk printed in the book Star Trek Federation: The First 150 Years by David A. Goodman (which is excellent), both George and Winona Kirk were/are Starfleet officers. I like this idea so that is the piece of canon I will be working off of. So I ket the timeline a little vague since when I first started writing this, I hadn't seen an episode of TOS since middle school and was way out of the loop timeline-wise, and while I still want to keep it generally vague, I'm just going to say that this takes place 2 years post 5-year-mission. It really doesn't matter for this chapter except to say that the captain's quarters and the transporter room are now on different decks because this is after the refit.  
> Thanks to andydear for not being concerned at all by my obsessive research.

Jim didn’t tell Leona about the Ireis. 

He couldn’t.

A million doubts swirled through his head; there was embarrassment about his impassioned argument with Bones, the shame he felt from making Spock worry, and the general skepticism that arose about Dr. Neeloro Irei. Really, he wanted to protect Leona. If apparently the only person on Betazed that cared at all about Leona decided to react to her condition like the councilwoman and Leona’s own relatives had, Jim couldn’t let her go with the doctor. 

When he went to sickbay after his shift on the bridge the next day, Leona was more distant than before and more difficult to distract. Jim could feel the realization that her parents were gone begin to settle and turn into a hollow pit in her chest, his chest. 

It brought up the losses in his own life—probably fewer than a lifestyle like his was due, but no less painful. 

That was why instead of anywhere else on the  _ Enterprise _ , that day Jim took Leona to a remote and quiet part of the ship. They stood before a long wall that curved around them with the curve of the ship. The segment of wall where they stood was covered by columns of portraits, half-smiling, half-solemn. A small metal plate under each told their names, ranks, birth date, and death date. 

“Who are those people?” Leona asked as she hovered close to him and took his hand. 

He knew she was afraid because she could feel his sadness when he looked at the wall. “This is the onboard memorial. These are some of the people I’ve lost.” 

“They died?”

Jim swallowed. “Yeah.”

Leona pressed her face against his side. “That’s a lot.”

Jim put a warm, comforting hand on her shoulder which he could feel brought a little comfort. “Yeah, it is.” He took a long look around them and tried to hold off the wave of guilt that always overtook him when he came here, for Leona’s sake. 

“Why?”

Hesitantly, Jim pat her shoulder and she looked up again. “Why what?” he asked gently. 

“Why did they die?”

The pain that hit his heart showed on Leona’s face. He had to remind himself to keep his emotions schooled, especially in a fraught place like this. “I don’t know.” he squeezed her shoulder and then stood, placing his hands carefully behind his back and balanced his weight on the balls of his feet, a posture of attention, and dispassion. “For some people, it was illness, for some it was an accident. Sometimes they were ordered into dangerous situations and they understood the risks, sometimes they didn’t. But they all died as honorable officers of Starfleet and good people…” 

“But they make you sad?” She tilted her head up at him, frowning. 

He swallowed and nodded. “Yes, they do.”

“Then why are they here?”

“It’s good for other people.” He offered her a small smile that did nothing to console her. “When they miss one of these people, they can come here and think about them, talk to them, remember them. It allows us to grieve. Here, this is what I wanted to show you.” He took her to a segment of the wall further down with no pictures, just etched placards with names, dates, places, and sometimes a short epitaph. “Here is where we put the names of loved ones we’ve lost who were not members of the crew or Starfleet. Here, they can do the same thing. I um… I have one right there.” Jim knelt down and pointed to a plaque near the bottom, it read:

_ George Samuel Kirk, Jr. and Aurelan Kirk _

_ Jamie and Craig _

_ 2267, Deneva Colony _

_ With love from Peter and Jim. _

“Jim,” she said, recognizing his name but very little else.

“My brother, Sam,” he explained to her wide eyed look of askance, “and his family. A little more than five years ago, their planet got sick.” He tried to imagine how to simplify a horrendous parasite infestation that ravaged an entire planet for a six year old to understand. He thought of his nephew, Peter, who had been twice Leona’s age but just as confused. He stood with him in front of this same wall then and they put the plaque up together and then Peter went to Earth to live with his grandmother. “My brother, his wife, and two of their sons died from the illness. I like having this onboard because when I miss him, or when I feel… particularly stupid, I come here and pretend he’s here and I can still talk to him.” Jim remembered the day he had been informed that if he and Spock married, Spock would be transferred off the  _ Enterprise _ . He had paced in front of this wall for nearly half an hour ranting in his head and imagining his older brother standing beside him and listening patiently until he could slip in a wisecrack that would level them both.

“Then this is a happy place?” Leona asked. Jim could feel her curiosity probe at the edges of that memory.

“It can be, sometimes, if you have a lot of happy memories of the people you miss.” Jim answered. “But mostly…”

Leona picked up on the sadness that settled over him as he remembered the infestation of the Deneva Colony and arriving to find his brother and the two youngest boys already dead, Aurelan on her deathbed and Peter gravely ill. “... it stays sad.”

She nodded wisely. “I see.”

Jim smiled fondly. “I thought you might. Stay right here.”

He left her for a moment to retrieve what they had really come down here for. He knelt back down and showed her that he had another plaque, this one etched with Rosario Fonesca and Osren Yarro’s names. 

The epitaph Jim chose was a common saying in the Betazoid language according to his research that loosely translated to the old Earth aphorism: “Not lost, but gone before.”

Leona held it and stared at it for a long minute. Jim tried to reach along their telepathic connection to access her feelings, but he was still too inexperienced to do so on command; all he could sense was a solemnity beyond her years. “Can you read it?” he asked anxiously.

“It’s my mom and dad.”

He nodded and felt suddenly shy. “I thought that while you were on the  _ Enterprise _ , you could come here when you missed them and think about some of your favorite times with them? We can put it right there.” He pointed at an empty slot a couple of columns over. 

Leona stood looking down at the plaque for several seconds while Jim waited, almost forgetting to breathe, to see what she would do.

Wordlessly, she turned and added the plaque to the wall. Jim sat back on his heels and waited for her to say something silently to her parents. In his own mind, though he tried to give her privacy along their connection (not that he knew how), he felt a solemn warmth overwhelm her and a kind of security only parents could provide. She did not share her memories with him, but the emotions brought up his own: of his parent’s hugs, of seeing his parents in Starfleet uniform and knowing they would keep him and Sam safe wherever they were, of the boundless joy and relief when their parents came home on leave, and Sam putting aside his teenage-distaste for his younger brother to punch a playground bully. He thought of warm family dinners and sunlit visits to his Uncle’s farm. After a few moments, she turned back to him, tears brimming in her eyes. “Come here,” he offered softly, arms outstretched. 

She almost fell against him, but Jim accepted her weight fully. As long as she was on the  _ Enterprise _ , he would be there. He wanted to make the most out of the last two days they had together. He wanted to make their bond a good thing, their own positive memory to look back on. He didn’t know what would happen to their bond, maybe he hoped it would diminish slowly, or be immediately superseded by a connection to her new family. 

It was something to hope for.

They stayed at the memorial for a little over an hour. They sat cross legged across from each other like they had on the biobed the first day she was awake. He had first suggested they tell each other stories in an attempt to learn more about her upbringing to better be able to inform Dr. Irei of the child’s needs when she came to take Leona, but it had devolved into an animated conversation when Jim told her increasingly funny (and increasingly sanitized) tales about his childhood with Sam, and she told him increasingly tangential adventures from her almost nomadic life as the fiercely protected child of a scientist and an engineer. Before going to the satellite, Jim learned that the Yarros moved all over Betazed living in big cities or small villages depending on Osren’s research while Rosario took on any mechanical challenges that interested her. The satellite should have been perfect for all of them. 

He heard Leona mention Tona Irei a few times in reference to her life on the satellite, and also Dr. Ireis herself, it was all positive, which Jim latched onto with a desperate sort of optimism. 

A few people passed them throughout the day and Kirk noticed how Leona sobered when they came near. “Bad feelings, lots of feelings,” he remembered her saying the day before. When that happened, he taught himself to carefully reach through their bond and send her thoughts of security. Security was better than distraction, but sometimes distraction was the only thing that worked out of the two. 

However, by the time they left, Leona was brighter and continued to chatter amiably as Jim made sure she ate dinner and they sat in a mostly empty recreation room. They ended their day back in her room in sickbay with Jim reading more from the book. When he saw that she was nodding off, Jim finished the paragraph, ordered the lights to dim, and sat next to her bed as she fell asleep, like he promised. 

He was just about out himself when he heard her ask, “Where are we going?”

His eyelids fluttered. “Going? Nowhere, it’s bedtime.”

“No. The ship,” she corrected him.

With great effort, he lifted his head and tried to keep his eyes open. “Earth, we’re going to Earth?” 

“Why?” 

“We were headed there before we picked you up. Gotta drop some people off, get an inspection, get some new people on board. Now go to sleep.”

Leona did not try to go to sleep and instead sat up and blinked. “What are we going to do on Earth?”

“Sleep,” Jim said, strength failing and propping his chin on his fist. 

“I don’t wanna sleep.”

“You did just a second ago—”

“I just got sleepy. I didn’t  _ want  _ to sleep,” she explained like it was a perfectly rational idea.

Jim snorted into a quiet laugh. “Too bad.” He pushed himself upright again and rubbed his eyes. 

“Are you going to leave me on Earth?” The question startled Jim awake enough. Instead of the wide eyed fear he would have expected from her, he was confronted with an accusation. A defensive armor rolled off her and directly towards him. 

“No, no, no,” he rushed to say. “Where would you get an idea like that?”

“You said I can’t stay here,” she explained.

“I didn’t mean I’d leave you. You just can’t stay here forever.”

“Why?” 

Jim found himself gruffly repeating Bones’ argument from last night. “Because the  _ Enterprise _ isn’t a good place for a kid. It’s a research vessel, an exploration vessel.”

“Oh.” It was a cold little statement and the tone unnerved him.

He didn’t say what he was thinking, which was that if he were offered a transfer, even a demotion, to a civilian grade starship, he’d find it easy to accept. Something of that must have found its way to Leona because she said, in a much warmer, softer voice, “ _ oh _ .”

“I think, though, I think you’re going to be happy when we get there.” He tried flooding their connection with the hazy happiness and security of family. Something Leona would feel when she saw Dr. Irei.

She brightened, a little. “Why?” 

Jim just laughed it off. “Because. Now it’s really bed time, Miss Yarro.” Reluctantly, Leona curled back up under the blanket and Jim stood. She waited expectantly for something, but Jim didn’t know what, so he just pulled the thin sickbay blanket up to her chin and gave her a short “goodnight” before slipping back to his own quarters and falling, gratefully, into his own bed. 

~~~

Jim Kirk woke up with the happy, pervading thought,  _ Spock is back today. _ On his console, a new subspace message from Spock gave Jim the more accurate arrival time of 09:13. The  _ Enterprise _ was on course to arrive on Earth that afternoon, and the path of the  _ Bering _ had it entering orbit the next morning. In twenty-four hours, it seemed, his life would be hurtling back toward normal. It was just going to be his ship, his husband, and his crew again, like it always should be.

Good.

At exactly 09:12, the  _ Enterprise _ was hailed by the U.S.S.  _ Cossack _ with the request to beam one Chief Science Officer aboard. 

Kirk was already in the transporter room and ordered Scotty to “Energize.” He waited almost breathless while Spock’s form materialized in a swirling storm of golden particles. 

He appeared in his customary stance with his hands folded behind his back and a schooled expression of polite disinterest. His warm dark eyes found Jim quickly and his lips turned up in the slightest indication of a smile. Jim was glad Spock was happy to see him. “Captain,” he greeted Jim as he stepped down off the platform and met Jim halfway to the door.

Jim grinned. “Commander Spock.” Though it was only Scotty and a few ensigns around them in the transporter room, they were most comfortable maintaining a professional mode of communication while in uniform, in no small part due to Starfleet’s disapproval of the relationship between two of their highest ranking officers on its flagship. Jim and Spock met with what appeared to be a handshake, but was Jim’s own invention, his little rebellion against Starfleet. As their hands met, their fingers wrapped around each other’s palms like a normal handshake, except for the first two which stayed extended and they pressed into the inside of the other’s wrist, a discreet Vulcan kiss. They held the handshake longer than was ever necessary, but it gave Jim a great deal of security feeling his husband’s hand in his, his pulse fluttering hundreds of times a minute just under the skin, and Spock’s hand holding his with a practiced restriction of strength. “Welcome back.”

“Thank you, sir.” Hands now firmly clasped behind his back again, Spock inclined his head to Jim and then to Scotty. “Mr. Scott.” 

“As Captain says: welcome back, Mr. Spock,” Scotty repeated. “Enjoy the conference?”

Spock considered the question, translating Scotty’s request for an emotional response through his own disparate mental process. Jim waited, with a little amused smile, as he watched Spock file through his time away and pick out the closest resemblance to Vulcan happiness: fascination. “There were several presentations that proved interesting. But few, I believe, were pertinent to the progress of Starfleet and its vessels. Though, there was one discussion on more efficient means of antimatter containment. I will provide you with my notes, if you wish.”

“I’d be much obliged.” Scotty looked like a child given a lollipop. 

“Shall we, Mr. Spock?” Kirk interrupted, gesturing to the door. 

Spock nodded and followed Kirk out of the transporter room and to the turbolift. “Deck five,” Kirk ordered. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Spock lift a quizzical eyebrow, but remain silent. As soon as he turbolift door slid shut, Kirk turned to face Spock. “I’ve missed you.” Jim said, slipping his hand around Spock’s waist and placing a chaste kiss on Spock’s cheek. 

Spock allowed himself a fond smile as he leaned down to maintain their closeness. 

“I’m—” Jim looked up at Spock, hazel eyes searching desperately for a tell in Spock’s dark, deep set eyes, “I’m sorry about Risa.”

Spock shook his head minutely. “There will be other anniversaries,  _ ashayam _ . I would rather be with you than anywhere without you… And I felt I was needed.” His response alerted Jim that his disquiet had been felt. Since Spock beamed aboard, Jim was not blocking Spock out of his mind (that would be too obvious), but instead tried to flood it with thoughts only of Spock, with his love, with his happiness at his husband’s return. 

The turbolift stopped and they distanced themselves quickly before the doors opened. “I will meet you on the bridge after I have settled,” Spock said, preparing to leave Jim to continue up. Jim followed his husband out into the corridor to Spock’s bemusement. “I’m showing you to your quarters,” Jim explained. 

Spock stopped and tilted his head. “Why? Have they moved?” he asked with sarcasm that always amused Jim.

Jim smirked and slung his arm around Spock’s shoulder after confirming the corridor was empty. “No. I just thought you’d get lost, you’ve been gone for so long.”

In the empty hallway, he gently rubbed the back of Spock’s neck in the way he knew he enjoyed as they continued to walk to their cabin, despite Spock’s protest that he had only spent ninety-seven hours and thirty-eight minutes away from the  _ Enterprise  _ and that Vulcans had a notably superior capability for memory compared to humans. When Jim joked that a lot can change in four days, he was not kidding, and with Jim’s fingers caressing his neck, Spock could feel it.

As soon as the door closed on their quarters, Spock stopped by the desk. “Jim—”

Before he could say anything, Jim threw his arms around Spock and kissed him. Spock returned the kiss with equal fervor. “Really, Spock, you think I’d leave you before I got to properly welcome you back?”

“Yes,” Spock murmured, close to Jim’s ear, “I see now that was… an illogical assumption.” Spock quirked his eyebrow in the precious indication that he was making a joke. Spock’s arms around Jim were firm and unmoving, but not stiff. Instead they were the security Jim had missed during his absence. 

Jim gave a breathy chuckle. “Very, Mr. Spock.” 

Spock brought his hands up to caress Jim’s face in the most intimate form of a meld. The familiar warm brush of Spock’s consciousness against his own calmed Jim as much as his physical presence did. Instinctively, Jim let down the barriers he would have rather left up, but before Spock could probe into what Jim was keeping to himself, Jim reached into Spock’s mind and inquired about the conference, the visit with his parents, and the trip back on the  _ Cossack _ . Horrifyingly mundane, even for a Vulcan, Jim discovered, though he lingered on the warm spots that were the times Spock spent with his mother. Those memories always felt the most human. Spock had once made the observation that his mother said the same whenever she heard him talk about Jim. 

Jim clung to that warm seed of sentimentality and magnified it, so it bloomed through both of them. He delighted in once again having control over his telepathic encounters. Spock’s sallow skin blushed faintly green as Jim invaded him with one strongly felt emotion. He only ever let Jim do something like that when they were alone. 

Sufficiently warmed, Jim took Spock’s hands and led them to the low sofa under the long slanted window that looked out on the stars of the milky-way as the  _ Enterprise _ raced toward Earth. “Come on, tell me how much everyone loved your presentation and now you’re the smartest Vulcan ever,” Jim coaxed as they sat.

“There was indeed a positive response to my presentation on approaching the study of new life forms,” Spock conceded.

“Oh was there, indeed?” Jim teased. 

“A professor at the academy indicated to me afterward that he regretted that I chose to enlist in Starfleet rather than accept a place there.”

“High praise.”

“It was.” Spock agreed. 

“I don’t regret your decision,” Jim said with a lopsided grin. A righteous pride swelled in his chest that his husband, who had often faced discrimination on his home planet for being of mixed blood was now so successful that his previous detractors now wanted him. 

“I would not expect you to,” Spock said. He could feel Jim’s pride and that, like everything else, also embarrassed him. He quickly diverted their conversation to a more neutral topic. “It has, however, been some time since I visited Vulcan. I quickly re-acclimated to the climate and was quite cold and humid upon returning to the environmental control of the star base. The  _ Cossack _ was freezing.”

Jim chuckled. “Alright, if that’s your excuse for adjusting the environmental controls in our cabin, which you were going to do anyway,” Jim said before Spock could object, “you officially have my permission. Just not above thirty-two degrees this time. That’s an Iowan summer and your feeble human  _ adun  _ can’t handle much more than that.”

Spock nodded. “I will not exceed your comfort.” 

“Besides, if we were to heat the whole ship like a Vulcan desert, we’d need another warp core.” Jim never imagined that he would have the type of marriage that featured a constant bickering about the thermostat… but he enjoyed the domesticity imbedded in their disagreements. 

“It would keep Mr. Scott occupied,” Spock added.

“The next ship, I promise,” Jim said, resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Two warp cores, a whole desert biome for you meditation, a big old library for me, and a wraparound porch, just around the entire saucer section.” 

Spock’s arm reached around Jim’s back and held him close, though he frowned. “Jim?”

The word “silly” came to mind.

“It’s okay. I’ve just gone crazy because I miss you.” Jim looked up to see Spock indulging in another smile. He sat up and twisted to kiss Spock again. 

“How long have you been gone from the bridge?” Spock asked as Jim missed his mouth and planted an urgent kiss on his jaw.

“Not long enough for them to notice,” Jim answered, a wicked grin interrupting his seduction. 

Spock was halfway to lowering them both down on the sofa when the comm went off. “Captain, report to sickbay,” Dr. Bones’ voice came urgently through their quarters.

“Would it be impossible for that charlatan of a doctor to hold the ship together for one...” Spock snarled. But he softened his tone when he realized that Jim was no longer kissing him, eyes trained on the speaker “Jim—“

Jim was already standing, straightening his uniform. He jammed his finger on the comm button and replied with a curt, “On my way. Kirk out,” and turned back to Spock, “I’m sorry…” He tried for a smile, but his mind went to Leona. Something was wrong. In the last few minutes while he let himself become preoccupied with his husband, he had not noticed Leona’s absence in his head. He tried reaching out to her, which still proved to be much more difficult than it was with Spock, but he felt completely blocked out from her mind, like something big and insurmountable was blocking his path. Jim shook his head to clear himself of the weight and was left once again with the feeling of Spock’s mind up against his own, prodding for access, but only with his permission. Kirk wasn’t ready to grant it. He smoothed down his hair and tried again to smile. “I’ll meet you on the bridge later.”

Spock also stood, looking, if possible, more immaculate than before. “Jim, I am coming with you.” In his voice and his readiness, in the way he rested catlike on the balls of his feet, there was the thirst for adventure and excitement that they shared, that was just as insatiable. Kirk did not have the time to be concerned about what Spock might see, about Spock discovering about just how much Jim had minimized the situation in his last message. About the truth. 

They stood, regarding each other for a moment. Spock still begged access to Kirk’s mind, but it was so small compared to the current absence of Leona. Spock saw the cavern, Kirk let him. Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim sighed. “Well then, come on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who read every week! Your comments make me smile for hours after I've read them.  
> Thanks as always to Memory Alpha and Beta for enabling me, and to Fantasy Name Generator for allowing me to spend more time on Memory Alpha and not thinking about what the hell I was going to name a starship.  
> Chat with me on tumblr: fairwellersmustache
> 
> Chapter 7: "The Realm of Two Minds" will be posted on Wednesday, February 19th. Subscribe to stay tuned!


	7. "The Realm of Two Minds"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident onboard sends Leona into a painful episode, affecting Jim as well. Spock tries to understand the emotional bond that ties his husband to the child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a.k.a. Jim has some 'splaining to do!  
> Thanks to andydear for leaving my favorite reading/editing note: "fuck EVERYONES PASSING OUT"

They heard it from outside the soundproof walls of sickbay: the screeching and wailing of a child. Kirk barely had the patience for the door to slide open and had decided to force it open himself like he had on the satellite, but it opened just enough to admit him by the time he reached it. Spock followed silently after. 

On their short, brisk walk down the corridor, Jim left his mind unguarded, searching desperately for Leona. His pulse quickened when all he was able to detect was the chaotic static that blocked their bond.

Sickbay, when they arrived, was deserted. There was a flurry of activity by one of the rooms, not Leona’s, but the operating theater, and Jim could see through the door while it admitted a nurse, Dr. Ruan and the other medical officers in the middle of surgery. Leona’s room was empty except for her and Bones. Leona was crying and thrashing while Bones tried to restrain her to keep her from hurting herself. Jim could see the desperation on his worn face, begging her to calm down with the most soothing voice he could muster. 

Jim rushed in and went directly to Leona on the biobed, Bones looked like he could cry with relief. Curmudgeon or not, the doctor could not stand the sight of someone suffering, especially a child. Jim knew Spock stopped short behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, Jim saw Spock flinch at the noise, the Vulcan’s sensitive hearing straining under the racket. Unrestrained, Leona rolled from side to side and curled up into a ball on her side. She screaming like she was in intense pain. Jim got a hand on her shoulder, but she yelped and flinched away like he had burned her. Jim cast his questioning gaze wildly to Bones.

“God, Jim, I fucked up,” McCoy said from the other side of the bed. 

“What happened?” Jim demanded. 

“There was an accident. Lieutenant Qilaq in engineering. She fell from the upper level and broke her back. They brought her here. Where else would they bring her!” McCoy interrupted himself. “I didn’t think about the kid!”

Jim understood. Leona moaned and clutched her head. As soon as Qilaq reached the vicinity of sickbay, Leona would have been able to feel all of the lieutenant’s excruciating pain as well as all of her emotions: shock, fear, confusion. Not to mention that she would have soaked up all of the feelings of the medical staff and other crew members as they attended to Qilaq. To Leona, it was like a bomb going off. It probably wasn’t unlike the pain she absorbed when a dozen people burned to death on the satellite. 

Jim felt guilty for adding his own fear to the pile. He took a moment to center himself and tried reaching out again, but Leona was still blocked from him by a barricade of mental anguish. 

“I couldn’t move her on my own. I don’t know where I would take her,” Bones spoke quickly, rambling but not saying anything important.

“Is Qilaq still in pain?” Jim asked.

“No, no, Ruan would have sedated her. She’s completely unconscious.”

“Then this is self-perpetuating.” Once Jim realized it, his mounting fear ebbed and he instead focused on breaking through Leona’s barriers. 

“Or resurfacing trauma,” Bones added. Jim noticed that the doctor’s notoriously steady hands shook as he gripped the bedrail

Jim reached across the bed and laid a hand over Bones’. “Len, it’s okay,” he said, trying to make eye contact, though Bones avoided it. “Qilaq’s out, so Leona shouldn't be experiencing any new pain. She’s doing it to herself and I can pull her out of it.” His first instinct was to try to establish physical contact again, but he remembered that physical contact had very little effect on her paracortex. He tried to remember what she had said two days ago over hot chocolate. She said her parents would pick her up, Jim had not stopped to consider that it wasn’t for physical contact, and if it wasn’t for physical contact— “We’ll have to move her!”

Bones looked down at the still sobbing and spasming child. “How?” he asked loudly. 

“I’m going to try to calm her down first,” Jim decided. That was the real key, just as she said, her parents would make her think of something different. Jim investigated their bond as he leaned protectively over her, but it was still barred from him by a wall of pain. Poking at it for too long produced a phantom pain in his own head, but he persisted. 

Anchoring his hands on the bed rail and closing his eyes, Jim assaulted the barrier with one repeated mantra: “You are safe right now. You are safe with me.” He was unsure if he was making any progress until he broke through, the wall crumbling in front of him, releasing a deluge of pain, the same pain that Leona felt and that Lieutenant Qilaq had felt first. His consciousness felt like it was forced into a satellite orbiting his body while his mind sent counterfeit signals of enormous pain to his spine. He felt a stiffness overtake his muscles, locking his fingers with a white-knuckled grip around the rail, until his knees gave out and he fell to the floor. A second wave of suffering overtook him as he lay on the floor in a heap, but this time it was his blood, or his mind making him believe it was his blood, and his entire body boiling itself. 

The satellite of himself registered, very faintly, a deep voice calling his name. And then cool fingers on his temples. In a shock that rivaled the tsunami of pain, clarity cut through him. He opened his eyes to find Spock over him, cradling his head in his lap and his fingertips digging into his skin. Jim had just enough energy to whimper: “Spock, no…” before Spock’s own body contorted in pain.

It was only a moment before Spock woke back to himself.

The pain that had overwhelmed them both still loomed, but within their bond, Spock maintained a shield around them. Jim reached up to Spock’s cheek, a tiny warmth sparked between them upon contact. “Why did you do that?” Jim scolded lightly.

“Jim, you were in pain,” Spock responded.

“I thought I could reach her…” he explained. He scrambled up to check on Leona, but as Spock’s touch left him, her bond overtook him again. This time, though, he steadied himself and Spock was right behind him, clutching Jim’s hand in his and rebuilding the barrier between the child and Jim. The three men looked at her with varying degrees of concern and hopelessness.

As the mental loop of pain exhausted her, Leona’s movement became less erratic and her voice, raw from screaming, turned to moaning and whimpering. As long as Spock maintained his connection with Jim, they would be able to think their way through this. 

“We have to get her out of sickbay,” Kirk repeated. “Qilaq’s out for now, but what about when she wakes up, or if there’s another emergency? Leona can’t be here for that.” 

Bones nodded. “Where?”

“Guest quarters, deck two,” Kirk ordered. “But I can’t—Bones you can carry her?” McCoy nodded again. “Spock, I need you with me.” Spock nodded.

As a strange unit, Bones carrying the sobbing child and Kirk walking with Spock’s hand around his wrist, they left sickbay and went to the turbolift. They stopped in the first vacant guest quarters they found, which, with the discharges from the  _ Mwangi _ , was further away than they had hoped. Bones deposited Leona on the first surface, the couch, and knelt by her. As they put distance between them and sickbay, her episode deescalated. She was still crying and she was still in pain, but it was either the distance or the exhaustion that made her more restrained. On the way, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and was loathe to let go. Eventually Bones extricated himself, but stayed by her side, keeping a comforting hand on her back, and looked back to Kirk for instruction.

“Is there anything that can be done, medically?” Kirk asked.

Bones shook his head, “Not that I could think of.”

“Sedation?” Spock asked.

“It’d just trap her in with the pain with no outlet. And I don’t like the idea of knocking a kid out just because we can’t think of anything else to do.”

“You wouldn’t… I mean, what about neural inhibitors?” Through Kirk’s research into conditions like Leona’s, he read the neural inhibitors were a short term solution. 

Bones shook his head again. “Not on kids,” he declared. “And with her in this state, it’d probably cause more trauma to cut off all empathy and telepathy. What about you, Mr. Spock? Any Vulcan voodoo you know of?”

Spock looked surprised to have been consulted. “Well—”

“You can’t meld with her,” Jim cut in, wanting to nip that notion right in the bud. “You’d just be taking all that pain on yourself again, and this time you won’t be able to shake it so easily.”

“That is an accurate analysis, though it is not what I was planning to suggest.”

“Then out with it,” the doctor said impatiently, ignoring Kirk’s admonishing look at his outburst. 

“I believe I may relieve her pain by applying force to her neuro-pressure points which will relax the mind and body.”

Kirk lifted their still joined hands to gesture, “By all means.” 

Spock turned to look at him. “It is a difficult art and I only have a very rudimentary understanding of it. I learned a little more at the conference—”

“Spock, can you do it?” Kirk asked seriously.

Spock nodded once. “I believe so, Captain.” 

“Then go,” Kirk ordered.

Spock hesitated. “Jim,” he glanced down at their hands. “It will require great concentration… and both of my hands. If I perform it correctly, the pain should subside in both the child and you approximately three seconds after application, but during that time, I will no longer be able to protect you.”

Jim smiled. Spock really could be quite sweet sometimes. “I’ve done it before.”

Spock still did not let go of his mental or physical hold. “Your previous episode lasted only two and a half seconds.”

Jim exhaled, it had felt like much longer. But he steeled himself and replied, “Leona has had to endure it for several minutes. Get it done, Commander. That is an order.”

Spock still hesitated. “Doctor—”

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on them both.” He had put a pillow under Leona’s head and made the space around him clear for Jim to collapse.

Spock and Jim walked forward as Jim tried to prepare himself for the pain coming. They knelt beside the doctor and with one last squeeze, Spock let go of Jim’s hand. 

The fire was back, but dulled. The sensation intrigued Jim. The pain in his back shot up and down in a continuous loop and in some part of his mind, he registered that he had slumped forward onto the seat of the couch. The ricochet of pain kept pummeling through any half-lucid thought he had. 

When he came to, he saw a small tear-streaked face and black eyes looking down at him. She was very frightened. 

“Hey,” he managed weakly. His throat was sore like he had been shouting. He probably had. Slowly, he lifted up his head, it pounded with a headache which he thought was Leona’s but on closer examination, belonged very much to them both. “You gave us quite a scare there, kiddo.”

She didn’t say anything, but lunged at him and almost tackled him back to the ground just to get her arms around his neck and her head buried in his chest. 

She was crying again, but it wasn’t out of pain, but an intense relief… and guilt. Sitting back on his heels, Jim let her fall off the couch and onto his lap. “I’m sorry,” she choked out.

Jim wrapped his arms tightly around her and cradled her head through her thick curly hair. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I hurt you!” she protested. 

Jim pulled back, tears were leaking out of his own eyes and there was a lump building in his throat, but he tried for a winning grin. He looked down at his arms, his legs. “Hurt me? Where?” He let go of her with one hand and patted his torso. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Not there!” She didn’t let herself off easily and sobbed once again. She kept blubbering “I’m sorry’s” as he gathered her up to him again. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.” He looked over Leona’s head to see Bones and Spock staring at him, Bones with disbelieving relief and Spock with something frustratingly unreadable. “You just scared Dr. Bones and I a little, but luckily, Mr. Spock was here to help.”

At the new name she sniffled and looked around. She regarded Spock as he regarded her like two unblinking cats. Jim could feel her confusion then distrust and suspicion. She looked back at Jim and asked very quietly, “What is he?” 

Jim laughed. 

The noise startled everyone in the room. Once again, Spock tilted his head curiously. 

“Spock, honey, you gotta let the kid in for a second.” 

“Oh.” Spock understood and let his practiced mental block that he put up as second nature since joining Starfleet years and years ago fall just a little. While it was up, Leona (and most natural telepaths) could not sense him at all. Perhaps she thought he was an android. It wouldn’t have been the first time someone had made that mistake. 

Leona continued to consider him carefully; she looked like she was listening very hard. “Mr. Spock is a telepath,” Jim said over their nonverbal communication. “Usually he likes to keep his thoughts pretty well to himself, so you won’t be able to feel him all the time, but he’s letting you in right now so he can introduce himself.”

She propped up her mouth into a shaky smile and whispered “Hi.” Spock inclined his head. Her eyes lit up, but in a fit of shyness, she hid her face back in Kirk’s chest. 

Finally, Jim asked the question he was still afraid of asking. “Anything still hurt?”

“My head,” she said. 

“Yeah, I’d guess it would,” Jim said. In his own, he felt a cluster of pain throbbing deep in his skull. “Let’s get you somewhere where you can fall asleep. Nothing better for a big headache than a long nap, right?”

She nodded, then looked around again. “Where are we?”

“We’re just in some guest quarters. I think you’ve stayed in sickbay too long, don’t you?”

She shrugged. 

“Well, I think you’ll like it better here. Quieter.” 

“Are you going to leave me?” She clung tighter to him.

“Um…” he looked back at Spock again, who was standing now and watching Jim and Leona with extreme curiosity. “I have to,” Jim said. “But Bones—”

“I’ll send Nurse Krejci to keep an eye on her,” Bones volunteered. “I want to assist Dr. Ruan with the lieutenant.”

Kirk nodded. “Nurse Krejci, you like him,” Jim told Leona.

She pouted, but nodded.

“Besides, you’re going to be asleep, right?” he teased.

“Okay,” she relented. Behind them they could hear Bones calling for Krejci over the intercom.

“Okay. Now the bed is right over there,” he pointed to their left and waited for her to get up, but she refused. “Go on,” he prodded her on her side, making her laugh. It was still a watery sound, and she sniffled when she stopped, but Jim sensed the pain and fear sinking to the back of her consciousness.

“No! No! Carry me,” she demanded. 

“Come on, Leona,” he chuckled, a little embarrassed to be proven such a pushover in front of the doctor and his husband.

“I won’t go,” she said, eyes still dancing with amusement.

“Okay, okay,” he relented and picked her up and stood. Nurse Krejci arrived as Jim tucked Leona in. He gave him his orders and with a lingering goodbye, Jim and Spock left the guest quarters.

Spock was quiet as they walked through the corridor to the turbolift. 

“I’ll meet you on the bridge,” Jim said. “I should change my shirt first.” The front of his uniform shirt was rumpled from Leona and wet with mucus and tears.

“I believe it would be best if you lie down as well. We will not reach Earth for approximately four hours and forty-eight minutes. You may return to the bridge once you have recovered.”

“I’m fine,” Jim protested, but he was secretly glad for the suggestion. His head still pounded. 

“You would say that, but I predict you will be miserable on the bridge and then complain about it all evening,” Spock said.

Jim barked out a laugh that echoed in the empty hallway. “You’re right… you’re always right.”

“Not always—”

“Enough for you to take the damn compliment,” Jim smiled. “Out of curiosity, did you make that recommendation as my husband or as my first officer?”

Spock gave him a sidelong glance. “Both.  _ Always _ .” 

Jim felt his cheeks flush.  _ Damn!  _ He took so much pleasure in making a Vulcan blush that he forgot that Spock could swing back with three times the force. “Fine, you win. The bridge is yours, Commander.” Kirk said with a dismissive wave of his hand. 

“We do not have to part ways yet.” Spock stopped a few steps in front of Jim and turned. “I infer that that was the child you rescued from the Betazed satellite?”

Jim paled. “Yes, right, that, sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t get the time to explain before I threw you in there.” Jim reached out and touched Spock’s arm and Spock’s disquiet flickered through him. Jim’s face fell. He sighed. “Okay. Come back with me. I’ll tell you everything on the way.”

~~~

Realistically, it took much longer than their commute to their quarters for Jim to explain. He was already in a new shirt by the time he finished. He leaned back on the desk with arms crossed over his chest after showing Spock Councilwoman Hean’s last message from two days before.

Spock listened to the message from the couch opposite him with his legs likewise crossed and an aura of the same distaste Jim had for the councilwoman. Jim, at least, appreciated the solidarity on that matter. “I have indeed missed a very strange adventure, Jim.”

Jim, who had been waiting with bated breath for Spock’s opinion, gave into a laugh. “No phasers, no away teams—well, one away team—no undiscovered life. All contained within the realm of two minds; an adventure indeed. But it will all be over tomorrow.” Jim tried to suppress the sadness in his voice. 

When Spock didn’t say anything, Jim cleared his throat. “It’s not Risa, but we could still take our leave on Earth. If your heart’s set on a beach, we can stay in California, but if you’d rather have a desert, we could always go east.”

Spock was silent for a few moments longer before he spoke. “Jim, you seem to have developed quite an intense bond with the child… beside your mental connection, I mean,” Spock corrected himself.

Jim shrugged. He never  _ resented  _ Spock’s intuition, but sometimes it was just inconvenient. “Someone needed to take care of her. And she bit Bones the first time she saw him.” Jim paused and noted Spock’s slight smile of satisfaction at that. “I mean, she was just scared. She’s really a good kid. She’s, you know, she’s a kid. I don’t know a lot about them, but this one’s great, you know, she’s funny. And you saw it, she’s got this bright smile. And she’s in love with life; plants, animals, anything. She had good parents that loved her and sacrificed themselves for her safety. But it took three days for them to find one person willing to take her in!” What he had meant to be a measured response ended passionately. 

“Will you be able to see her off with Dr. Irei tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course. It’s my duty.’’

“Jim, I believe that you are determined to misunderstand me.” Spock raised his eyebrow and waited to see his husband’s response. 

Jim bit his lip and reflected before coming to the conclusion that maybe he was and so what? “Dr. Irei is arriving tomorrow. I can’t change that. And besides, she looks perfect on paper. She’s already got two kids and she was a friend of Leona’s parents. It’s the perfect solution.” He was spiraling again. “Anyway. I want to see this through. I want to get Leona back to a family that loves her and it seems like Dr. Irei is her only option… I just wish I was happier for her.”

“Is there anything beyond you missing her that prevents you from being happier?”

“No.” Jim confessed, and it was a confession, at least to himself. He pushed himself off the desk and fell heavily onto the couch next to Spock. With hesitation Jim lay his hand on Spock’s knee. “I didn’t tell you before... A couple days ago, right before I got Hean’s message, I had this whole thing figured out.” He put his hands out in front of them like he was framing a picture. “I was going to adopt her. We were going to live on the ship. She would run around and learn everything that school can’t teach. And I’d read to her—that’s a thing I’ve been doing. Poor kid never saw a book in real life before, but she loves it. It was stupid and Bones said so… but it was a nice thought at least.” With another wistful sigh, Jim leaned against Spock’s shoulder and replaced his hand on Spock’s knee. “Bones would say ‘boy, Jim, that kid did a number on you,’” Jim said in a wildly inaccurate accent.

“Yes, that does sound like our doctor,” Spock said, mindlessly. Jim could tell he was trying to work out something, so he waited. Spock attempted to begin a couple of times before finally giving up: “Why did the future you envisioned not include me?”

Jim squeezed Spock’s knee. “Is that all?” He tried to keep himself from grinning, it would just confuse Spock. “You’re there,” he said. “If you want to be there.”

“It is illogical to experience such concern over a hypothetical,” Spock’s Vulcan programming corrected him.

Jim smiled and leaned over to kiss Spock’s cheek. “You mean you’re jealous?” he teased.

“I am not,” Spock said, pushing Jim away with an admonishing look that Jim decided not to take too seriously. “And you must rest. And I must go to the bridge.”

“Aye, Captain.” Jim lunged forward to steal another kiss.

Spock slipped out of Jim’s arms, looking scandalized and Jim had a hard time figuring out whether the affection or the teasing title was the culprit.

“You must go to bed,” Spock ordered, straightening his shirt before pausing and quirking an eyebrow. “And no, I will not carry you.”

Jim was still chuckling after Spock left and he lay down on their bed above the covers and ordered the lights to dim. With Leona asleep a few decks above him, a bright future on Betazed in front of her, Spock having forgiven him, and deeply contented by the fact that in a very few hours he would be back in a bed on Earth with Spock lying next to him, Jim drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In addition to my regular sources, Memory Alpha and Memory Beta, for this chapter I briefly consulted the book"Star Trek On the Brain" by Randolph Blake and Robert Sekuler. Also, obligatory acknowledgement to Fantasy Name Generator without which I would be be quite unable to write sci-fi.  
> Chat with me on tumblr: fairwellersmustache
> 
> Chapter Eight: "An Alien Sun On an Alien Sea" will be posted Wednesday, February 26th  
> Subscribe to stay tuned!


	8. "An Alien Sun on an Alien Sea"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Earth, Jim and Spock spend one last evening with Leona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to andydear, but especially for threatening to rewrite this fic if it didn't end like she wanted it to.

When they reached Earth’s orbit, the _Enterprise_ docked at Starfleet’s primary base in orbit over San Francisco. The senior officers transported down the surface while the starbase crew began a routine inspection of the vessel. As they walked through Starfleet’s headquarters on San Francisco Bay, they were welcomed warmly by the other officers they passed. Since the success of the _Enterprise_ ’s second five-year mission, the crew received a degree of celebrity—“Not enough for them to offer you an admiralty,” Spock groused once. Jim thought the sentiment was sweet. Even now when the old girl was on her third five-year mission and little more than a ferry, it’s crew took pride in the name, as did Starfleet and the Federation.

Had the _Enterprise_ never intercepted the satellite’s S.O.S., Jim would have departed from the starbase and be well on his way to Risa, and Spock without ever stepping foot on Earth. As they walked shoulder to shoulder through the sunshine, Jim’s fingers brushed the back of Spock’s hand. Spock let the contact linger. As far as Jim was concerned, he would rather be here.

Bones broke off from them early, explaining that he was transferring Lieutenant Qilaq’s care to Starfleet headquarters and the former _Enterprise_ surgeon, Joseph M’Benga, and wanted to oversee the transfer. The rest of the bridge crew decided to get a start on their brief shore leave so that by the time they got halfway through the main building, only the three highest ranking officers, Kirk, Spock, and Scott, were left to be rounded up in a debriefing. 

Kirk was stopped a few times by admirals informed of the satellite incident, inquiring about Leona. Jim made sure to keep his affection toward her, her particular abilities, and their bond to himself. Really, he was just a soldier and Leona a civilian. If they wanted more information, they’d have to get it through Betazed directly.

“She’ll be housed here until Dr. Irei arrives tomorrow.” Admiral Sovia Sh’thalris briefed Kirk, Spock, and Scotty in a briefing room overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. “You, gentlemen, and the crew of the Enterprise are relieved of her care, with Starfleet’s great appreciation. I will now be handling Miss Yarro’s case personally. I’ll commend you, Mr. Scott, on the state of the _Enterprise_ as well. We’ll complete a full inspection, but I’ve no doubt we’ll be impressed. You must be looking forward to a tune-up nonetheless.”

“Of course, ma’am,” Scotty replied, breaking from attention to incline his head. 

“Otherwise, gentlemen, enjoy your shore leave. You’re dismissed.”

Kirk, hands clasped behind his back, squeezed and released, hoping the tiny movement would help him hold his tongue, but, of course, that was never going to work. “Excuse me Admiral, it was my understanding that I would meet Dr. Irei tomorrow and, um, introduce her to the child.”

Sh’thalris frowned. “Those indeed would have been your duties on the _Enterprise_ , but you’re home now and technically on leave starting tomorrow. I was told that you two,” her Andorian antennae twitched to include both he and Spock in the statement, “had something to celebrate.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kirk saw Spock tilt his head quizzically, probably surprised that the admiral had absorbed such gossip about them. Kirk was less so, Sh’thalris had never been a fan of him and his marriage to Spock forged a personal dislike in addition to her professional one; he had no doubt that she stayed attuned to their actions, no matter how innocuous. “All due respect, Admiral, I would like to see this through.”

She shrugged. “Well I won’t stop you, if that’s what you really want. The doctor’s scheduled to arrive on the _Bering_ tomorrow morning at 08:00. I’m sure you will add a valuable perspective—”

“I believe Miss Yarro will be more comfortable during the transition with the captain’s presence,” Spock cut in, earning his own scowl from the admiral. “Captain Kirk aided in her recovery from the satellite and care afterward. She is familiar with him,” he continued. 

“Would you like to attend as well?” she replied.

Spock nodded once in acknowledgement, but not apology, for his error. “My presence will not be as necessary as the captain’s, Admiral.”

She gave them a forced smile, “Well observed, Commander. And I should thank you, Captain, for taking one thing off my plate tomorrow. You’re all dismissed.”

“Ach, it’s like you can never win with her, sir,” Scotty muttered once they left the room and were shuffled back into the busy corridors of Starfleet. 

Jim was reminded of Bones’ warning: “how much goodwill do you think you have left?” Certainly none with Sh’thalris. He clapped Scotty on the back. “As long as she likes one of us…”

Scotty shrugged and broke off from them when they reached the sunny courtyard. Jim nudged Spock with his elbow, “You on the other hand... I didn’t expect you to go to bat for me in front of Sh’thalris.”

“The child is important to you. I still do not fully understand the bond you share. I understand the theory, of course, but it is difficult for me to fathom the experience of such violent emotions…” Spock let his babbling die off. The long rectangular courtyard was as active on a sunny day as the entire complex. Jim was absorbed in the simple pleasures of a clear blue sky, bright green grass, and the echoes of people enjoying them. Even though he was born in space and half-raised there, he still considered himself an Iowan farm boy at heart. How long had it been, Jim wondered, since Leona had run around outside? It was old fashioned, but he thought a kid regularly needed a wide open plot of earth to see how fast they could run. 

“I’m going to get Leona,” Kirk decided. “I want to say goodbye and give her some better memories than this morning to remember me by.” He turned to face Spock and held out his first two fingers, which Spock met with his own reflexively. “Of course you don’t have to come. I don’t want to abandon you, but maybe you could catch up with Nyota.”

“How many times must I remind you?” Spock posed with an exacerbation that caught Jim by surprise. “I want to be there.”

~~~

Leona was happy to see Jim again, but still wary of Spock. She warmed up to him, once Spock opened his mind to her again. Jim had decided to take her to Baker Beach near the Academy to spend the afternoon and she seemed excited to see Earth. “Even my mommy never went to Earth before,” she told him on the walk across the bridge. Jim tried to nudge Spock to start a conversation, but despite his willingness to follow Jim anywhere, he was evidently not comfortable around the child. Jim suspected that Spock already had difficulty analyzing a race that prioritized emotions and the natural effusiveness of youth pitched him further off balance. 

Leona noticed this too and hovered nearer Jim.

The beach was sparsely populated by the shore because the water was too cold to swim in. Jim had planned it that way so that Leona could have a bubble of mental peace while enjoying the warm sun and sharp late autumn breeze. 

“How do you like your new quarters?” Spock attempted. 

“It’s loud.” She shrugged before pausing to look at Jim. “Is this where I live now?”

“No. Sorry, kid,” he added when a gloom came over her. 

“Oh.”

Spock lifted his eyebrow at Jim’s answer. “Tomorrow, Dr. Neelor—”

Jim held up a hand over Leona’s head. “Not right now.” 

Spock tilted his head and was about to question Jim when Leona ran ahead of them. Jim was about to run after when she stopped only twenty feet away from them and bent down to pick something up from the sand. The satisfaction of discovery that Jim felt from Leona startled him until they caught up and he could see that she was holding up and inspecting a seashell, almost pyramidal shaped with cylindrical white ridges running down from its rounded point. “Look!” she cried, holding it out to them as they made their way over. Jim bent down and made a show of studying it, though he could take very little away from the study other than it was, in fact, a seashell. 

“Wow!” he said.

“I used to have one like it that I found in Iscandar but it was all blue,” she said, her eyes alight. “And it was bigger. Like as big as my _whole hand._ ”

Jim had to dive back into his recent frenzy of Betazoid research to remind himself that Iscandar was a coastal city of the Thaxxon ocean on Betazed. “Really?”

“Do you collect sea shells?” Spock said with an interest that surprised Jim.

Leona looked all the way up at Spock and nodded, “Kinda. I used to have a shelf of like leaves and rocks and stuff. But I had a lot of shells.” She held it out and beamed when he took it.

Spock just barely smiled. “Do you know what this type is called on Earth?”

She shook her head. 

“It is called a limpet,” he supplied. “If it had a hole in the top, it would be called a keyhole limpet.” He gave it back and she held it very close to her eyes, as if looking for the hole that wasn’t there.

Her small fingernails scratched at the pockets of dirt ingrained into the cavities of the exterior. “It kinda looks like a web,” she noted to Spock.

He took another look. “Yes, it does.” They both looked at Jim expectantly, but Jim was looking strangely at Spock. 

“Um, yeah, I see it,” Jim confirmed. 

“I wanna look for more!” Leona announced. Jim held the limpet as she ran a few more paces to the opalescent concave curve of an oyster shell. Spock went ahead of Jim and shared what he knew about that shell too. Spock instructed her on how to look for a pearl, and Leona continued to search for several seconds even though Spock informed her that there wasn’t a pearl in this one. When Leona gave each one to him to examine, Spock held it carefully, as if each were the prize the child believed them to be.

Soon, Jim had an armful of shells and sand dollars and a headful of curiosity concerning his husband’s extensive knowledge of Earth sea shells. When Spock stooped and identified a long-stemmed whelk, Jim caught up. He waited for Spock to finish explaining the variations from big to small whelks to a completely absorbed and enchanted Leona and then asked with amusement, “How the hell do you know this much about things you can’t even find on Vulcan?”

Spock looked up and then back to Leona. “My mother had a collection from her childhood that she took to Vulcan when she left Earth,” he said, as if it was common knowledge. Jim did not remember if Amanda ever mentioned any particular devotion to an Earth item, but Jim guessed she was just the sort of sentimental person that would keep this kind of collection and teach her son about it.

“Does she like Earth?” Leona asked, whelk forgotten in her hand.

Spock did not have to spend time translating the question as he usually did when people inquired about preferences. “Yes, she does,” he answered. 

“ _I_ like Earth,” Leona responded, before going back to scouring the tide for more shells.

Spock joined Jim out of range of the lapping waves. Without a word, Jim slipped a hand around Spock’s waist. “Next time Sarek is here on ambassadorial business, we should take your mother out beachcombing.” In such close proximity to his husband and the child Jim partook in both of their mental connections to him. From Spock, the equanimitous appreciation of a beautiful day, as well as a touch of nostalgia for his days at Starfleet Academy, which was likely the last time he spent a leisurely evening on a Californian beach. From Leona, he experienced all of the quiet joy of discovery and wonder.

Spock mirrored Jim, placing his hand on Jim’s back as well. “It is unlikely we will still be on the planet when they next come.”

“Right… well if there’s ever some great coincidence…” Spock nodded. “Besides, I like knowing that at least one of your parents like me,” Jim groused.

“Sarek respects you,” Spock said, defending his father for reasons beyond Jim.

“It’s probably futile, but before I die, I’d like him to _like_ me.” 

“Jim, I believe you are becoming as stubborn in this matter as you accuse me of being.”

Jim sighed in surrender, “Alright.” 

A scream came from down the beach and Jim and Spock ran to find Leona, terrified, staring down at an upturned starfish, it’s microscopic legs wriggling. “I picked it up and it started moving!” Her eyes were big and there was barely a distinction between the black of her iris and that of her pupil. “I didn’t know it was still alive!”

Jim couldn’t help but laugh. He squeezed her shoulder to comfort her as Spock knelt and gently turned the starfish right side up and nudged it into the tide. “You’re okay,” Jim said through the last of his laughter. “It’s okay.”

They watched as the starfish was carried off back into the ocean in the riptide. “See,” Jim said, “Now it’s back home.”

“What was _that?_ ” Leona demanded, still upset. Jim realized then that of course she may have never seen a starfish before.

Jim let Spock explain in more detail than Leona was interested in, though she was wary to continue along the beach unless Jim walked with her and held her hand. Jim stowed the rest of her shells in the pockets of his jacket and was happy to comply, as long as Spock was walking along beside them.

By the time the sun began to set, they finished beachcombing and had taken to the trails along the ridge. Leona told them more about her collection. It started when Osren Yarro discovered some old specimens (a shed snake skin, a pinecone, and a snail shell) from his work on Alpha Eridani II. He let Leona keep them and wherever they went or lived, Leona picked up a few more pieces of nature she found. Her fascination was sea shells, but apparently, her collection contained everything from dried flowers to the cobalt feathers and a hollow bone of a Betazoid flanarian bird.

The three settled just off a trail on an outcropping mostly clear of trees to watch the sunset. Jim took time pointing out each building of Starfleet headquarters across the bay and gave a short history of the Golden Gate as the evening sun glanced off it making it look truly golden.

Spock shared a disconnected story from his mother about growing up in California sixty years ago. Which led them both to remember their days at Starfleet. Jim always regretted that though they overlapped one year at the Academy, they did not meet until a decade later. Once, when he voiced this, Spock said that meeting earlier was unlikely to have changed anything. Jim still thought Spock had meant it to sound sweet. The sun was almost touching the horizon when Leona looked back at them and saw Jim’s hand resting over Spock’s on the ground between them. 

“You feel like my mom and dad felt,” she confided in them. 

Spock tilted his head and likewise, Jim didn’t understand what she meant. “What’s that?” Jim asked lightly. 

“You love him,” she said, though it was almost a question. Jim could feel her quietly probing into his mind for the answer. 

He gave it freely. “Yes. Very much.” He lifted the back of Spock’s hand to his lips. “We’re married.” Spock blushed at the contact and telepathically chastised Jim for the display of affection in front of the child and Jim let Spock’s hand go with raised eyebrows. 

“Like Mom and Dad?”

“Yes,” Jim said. “But only for a few years now.”

She looked at them both curiously and Jim continued to keep his mind open for her to peruse. “And you can talk to each other like they did,” she concluded.

“I believe it is very similar,” Spock said. As she looked at him, Spock looked back, not breaking eye contact. It took Jim a moment to realize that he had opened his mind to her as well. With a confused but determined expression, she looked down at her hand. Jim watched with his own curiosity as she laid her right hand out in front of her. She spread her fingers wide out and tried to pull the last two together. Jim smiled when he realized what she was doing, but didn’t say anything as she struggled to put her pointer and middle fingers together, eventually using her other hand to hold the uncooperative fingers in place. 

The sun’s nadir had dipped under the horizon and bathed the beach below them with an orange glow. “Hey, look,” Jim said gently, pointing out at the sky, dyed pink, orange, yellow, and where some low hanging clouds interrupted the sky, a little bit purple and green. Leona turned and looked on with awe. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen a sunset… I’m guessing it’s been a while for you too, huh, Leo?”

She didn’t say anything, mouth agape. She nodded. 

Jim saw Spock shift and looked over to find Spock had reached out his first two fingers waiting for Jim to notice. Jim responded in kind.

“I wish I could stay on Earth forever,” Leona sighed.

With their fingers still in a Vulcan kiss, Spock transmitted the thought, _Jim, you must tell her about tomorrow. She should not be surprised._

Jim offered him a bittersweet smile. _I know, honey. I just wish this could last a little longer._

 _I understand, ashayam. But she is someone who deserves to know her future._ Spock tempered his disapproval, but Jim still felt the guilt that accompanied it.

Jim caught Leona looking back at him again, no doubt sensing the change in his mood. Jim kept up his half-hearted smile. “Hey, kid. I want to talk to you about tomorrow.”

She turned her body but still glanced back at the deepening sunset. “What’s tomorrow?”

“Someone’s gonna come for you tomorrow morning, to take you back to Betazed. Home.” 

“Who? Why?”

“Because they want to help you.”

“But why?”

“So that you can have a family again.”

“Who?”

“There’s going to be an ambassador from Betazed and Dr. Neeloro Irei. Do you remember her?”

Jim tried to gauge her reaction as she heard the name. He felt the spark of recognition, but Leona was quiet. “You were friends with her daughter, Tona,” he said needlessly.

Leona looked up. “I know.”

A deep sadness swelled in her. 

Jim didn’t think she’d hold up to his concerned questioning, so he continued with the extraneous babble. “Dr. Irei wants to adopt you. Do you know what that means? She’s going to take care of you now. It’s going to be great. You can be with Tona and Tuveme. You’ll all grow up together.” Jim continued to talk through each wave of her emotions lapping at his mind. First the sadness, then a little anger, then some fondness for her friends, and finally, sadness again. 

“But I don’t want to go,” she fought back.

“Don’t you want a family again?” Jim asked, maybe with a little more heat than he meant.

They’re negative emotions were feeding off of each other and growing, but Jim realized it too late when she shouted, “No!” The single word echoed through the bay. Leona realized and scared herself to think that she had been so loud. She collapsed in on herself again and they both spent a moment watching the red sun sink further under the water. 

Jim looked at Spock, who just stared back in bewilderment.

“She’s going to be happy to see you,” Jim said, much gentler than before.

Leona rested her chin on her knees and didn’t look back at him. “I don’t want her,” she muttered. “I want you.”

Jim knew he should have said something. Something that made her look forward to going home. Something that made her excited. If he knew something about Neeloro Irei he’d tell her. Or something that made her hate him, maybe.

But he couldn’t make himself do any of those things.

So he sat and watched her watch the sunset. 

The three sat in silence until the sun was almost completely under the horizon and a gray blue twilight stretched over the sky. 

“You know. I’ve spent my whole life saying I’m from Earth,” Jim began quietly, “but I was born in a starship, spent most of my childhood on Tarsus IV, and I’ve been off in outer space for the last twenty years. I really don’t have that much reason to call Earth home. I don’t think I even saw an ocean on Earth until I joined Starfleet. I’m sitting here looking at a scene that should be completely alien to me, the sun and the sea, but it still feels like home.” 

Leona looked back at him, big eyes unblinking and plaintive. 

“Come on,” Jim waved Leona over to him. Reluctantly, she came and sat between him and Spock. She leaned against Jim and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I know you haven’t spent a lot of time on Betazed. And I know that no matter what, it’s going to be different when you’re there without your parents. But I promise it’s gonna feel like home, more than anything else. 

“But first I’m gonna miss you, and you’re gonna miss me. And it might hurt a lot. But that’ll all be over soon, I promise.” 

Leona burrowed closer to him. She didn’t believe him. Between them he felt her sadness as keenly his own. Night now overtook the beach and lights throughout the city crowded out the stars. They stayed sitting on the ridge a little while longer, watching Starfleet headquarters on the opposite bank turn into a silhouette, then a shadow, then nothing more than a scattering of lights in the black night. 

~~~

Spock meditated in the corner while Jim tried to sleep. He tried every position, but all he did was toss and turn in the narrow bed of the quarters Starfleet provided while the _Enterprise_ was under inspection. 

The’y had been quiet after they brought Leona back to her own quarters. Jim spent too long interrogating the ensign nurses put in charge of watching her and Spock had to gently pull him away. Jim was beginning to think the sooner tomorrow morning came, the better. 

He was lying flat on his back when Spock ordered the lights off and sat on the other side of the bed, slipping off his robe. “You are still awake?” Spock asked as he felt Jim’s hand caressed his hip as he sat on the bed.

“I’m trying not to be,” Jim said. 

Spock laid the robe over the end of their bed and then settled under the blankets with Jim. “Would you like any assistance?” he asked. He arranged himself in his usual position, resting his cheek against Jim’s shoulder and slipping his hand underneath Jim’s sleep shirt, letting the skin to skin contact open their bond.

“Not tonight,” Jim said. “I’d like to keep my troubles where they are right now.” He rested his hand over Spock’s and the thin material of his shirt. Years ago, when they first started their… whatever it was back then… Jim learned that Spock preferred to sleep practically on top of him: head and arms covering his torso, legs intertwined. Back then, Jim told him he was like a cat. Spock replied that a mammalian comparison was perhaps inappropriate. 

Jim wondered at first if it was about warmth. Vulcan temperatures were so extreme compared to the habitats of humans, so Spock was always comparatively cold. After they formed their bond, however, Jim realized one explanation for the contact was to construct a mental bridge between them while they slept. Spock was trying to lend some of his post-meditation peace to Jim’s often racing mind. 

“You are closing yourself off from me,” Spock said in a drowsy drone.

“Am not,” Jim argued. But he knew Spock was right when he felt the resonance of Spock’s voice on his skin and no deeper.

Spock stroked his fingers over Jim’s skin soothingly. “I will not demand your mind if you do not wish to give it.”

Jim closed his eyes and tried to slow down his thoughts, to cut through his anxieties, until he finally cleared a path for the silver river of connection between them. “I’m afraid it’s a mess,” Jim said as if Spock had come back to a disorderly cabin.

Carefully, Spock filed through all of the fears Jim was trying to keep at bay. Unlike Leona, Spock’s telepathy was more controlled and he often restricted his access to only Jim’s objective thoughts. From there, he would have to infer the emotion attached. _You are worried about tomorrow,_ Spock’s deep voice came through Jim’s mind. Spock’s guesses were usually right.

“Yes.” 

_Why?_ Spock asked, though from Jim’s thoughts he already knew the answer. 

“Dr. Irei appears to be the only person in the whole Federation willing to take Leona in. I’m worried that once she meets her, she’ll end up saying no too.”

_You seem to imagine so many ways she will hurt Leona, but I believe there is a very small probability that any of them will happen._

“Give me a number.”

_I do not know her, nor am I familiar enough with Betazoid culture to predict those odds._

“Then how do you know?”

Spock did the mental equivalent of a raised eyebrow. _It is an estimation._ In spite of himself, Jim smiled at his husband’s defensive response.

_If this is causing you so much apprehension, you have the option not to go tomorrow._

“No, that is not an option.” As soon as Spock had plucked the idea from his brain, he knew he could never do it. 

_Then you must continue your attempts to make the child listen to reason._

Jim snorted. “What reason?”

_She will benefit from a life with the Ireis._

“I know. I was being… no, I know what reason.”

 _Even if you disagree._

Jim sighed and began to stroke Spock’s shoulder, which was just as calming for him than it was for the Vulcan. “I know… Just because I agree with the logic doesn’t mean I have to like it. I guess that is a very human emotion to you…”

Spock lifted his head so that his chin was now propped on Jim’s shoulder. “What?” Jim asked.

“You are incorrect. I believe that that is actually the most Vulcan emotion: adherence to logic despite one’s personal distaste for the action. You have seen it several times that I make the necessary personal sacrifices for the good of others.” 

A little bit of pride swelled in Jim’s chest. “I have.”

“We are alike in this.”

“Yes. We are.” Jim stretched his neck to meet Spock’s lips with his own. Spock responded with another brief kiss and then returned to resting his cheek on Jim’s shoulder. Jim tried closing his eyes and drifting off, but he still couldn’t. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Spock was still staring off into the distance.

“What are you thinking?” Jim asked before poking back into his husband’s brain.

Spock almost smiled. “You do not have to ask.”

“Sometimes I like to ask.”

“It is illogical to indulge in impossible hypotheticals,” Spock replied archly.

Jim was immediately amused and intrigued. “That’s okay, I won’t tell anyone,” he goaded with a quiet laugh.

Spock bent down and laid a thoughtful kiss on Jim’s shoulder before raising his gaze to match Jim’s again. “I am thinking that perhaps in another life, I would have liked to have had a child like Leona.” 

Surprised by Spock’s admission, Jim saw brief glimpses of memories from that day of Leona from Spock’s perspective. “Really?” Jim said, incredulous.

Spock pulled back from their connection just a touch. “She is a promising child,” he said, instead of anything that would betray his true feelings deeper. 

_Let’s hope Dr. Irei thinks so,_ Jim thought along their connection before he could stop himself. As if to forget the thought, he mused aloud, “Isn’t it strange that we never had the ‘kid’ conversation before we got married?”

“I am unfamiliar.”

“You know, the conversation you’re supposed to have with your partner about your future. Like: if you want kids or not or how many. I guess it's all the nonsense people who can’t read each other’s minds have to talk about before they get married.”

Spock considered this.

“Okay, what about T’Pring?” Jim said impatiently. “You knew her for years. You must have had that kind of conversation at least once. Like how many kids you wanted and what you wanted them to do?”

Spock rolled over so he lay beside Jim, on their sides they faced each other and Jim respected that for this conversation, Spock might not want to have been mentally connected. “Between couples capable of reproducing, such things are understood. Vulcans are not a populous race and many are uninterested in reproducing regularly outside of the pon farr. Betrothals like those between T’Pring and I are arranged to promote the propagation of our race. Children were expected.”

“Romantic,” Jim said dryly. 

Again, Spock quirked an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know,” Jim replied to a question left unexpressed. “I guess I thought about it a little. You remember me telling you about Lucinda, the girl I thought I was in love with my first year at the Academy?”

Spock nodded. 

“I thought we would end up settling on some kind of civilian class ship like my parents did and kids might happen. But then you remember she cheated on me with my roommate.” Jim chuckled about it now, picturing his love-struck, heart-broken, pimple-faced self at eighteen bawling over a girl he had known for seven months. “I do still think about it sometimes, not with Cindy, but just about how different my life would be if I took any of the opportunities I had to settle down before you. I mean I’m not so old that it’s really out of the question, and you’re practically still a kid in Vulcan years.” Spock also quirked an eyebrow at this. “But my parents were half my age when they had Sam and me.”

“Do you regret the path you chose?”

“No,” Jim said quickly, and maybe too loudly. “I don’t ever regret you. But it doesn’t stop me from wondering.” He reached across the narrow gap between them and offered his hand for Spock to take. 

Spock did. “Shall we have the conversation?” he asked earnestly.

Jim laughed quietly. “We can, if you want. Though in our case it would be a discussion of adoption or surrogacy.”

Spock nodded and held firmly onto Jim’s hand. “Jim, would you still like children?”

Jim let go of Spock’s hand and shrugged his shoulder. “I don’t know. What about you?” He felt a little giddy even considering the possibility of a different future than the one they were currently building for themselves. 

Spock’s lips quirked up. “I believed that choice was behind me when I left Vulcan without marrying T’Pring. Logically, our positions in Starfleet and on the _Enterprise_ would make raising a child difficult. I mistakenly believed until tonight that your loyalty to the _Enterprise_ and her mission of discovery meant that you did not harbor any wish for children.”

“I guess it did,” Jim said. The conversation had made him sadder than he expected. “Come back here,” he requested, laying on his back and letting Spock resume his position with his head cushioned on his shoulder and hand inside his shirt. “You know that I just want you to be happy, or whatever that is for you. Contentment. Calm. Prosperity.”

 _I know_ , Spock whispered through their reestablished bond. Then he shared with Jim a memory of that evening, just an image of Jim with Leona curled up next to him, bathed in the pink glow of the sunset as the three of them sat on the ridge. It was not quite happiness, or human happiness at least, nor was it calm or contentment, but an appreciation of beauty and gratitude and warmth. 

Jim shared with Spock a felicitous vision of them older and in civilian clothes, playing with three young non-descript children on a plush carpet in the middle of a very homey San Francisco apartment. _Maybe one day after I’ve retired and you’re an admiral or something else that keeps you planetside, we’ll take in a few scamps._

 _I would like that one day,_ Spock replied. Jim agreed warmly, _One day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats! You've unlocked Spock's Secret Seashell Knowledge!  
> Acknowledgments to Memory Alpha, Memory Beta, and the Fantasy Name Generator.  
> So....almost done huh? Ngl, this was my favorite chapter to write, I just love these scenes!  
> Talk to me on tumblr: fairwellersmustache
> 
> One more left!  
> Chapter Nine: "Promises Kept" will be posted Wednesday March 4th! Subscribe to stay tuned!


	9. "Promises Kept"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim takes a step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to andydear for betareading.  
> And thanks to the people who read every week, your comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions all mean so much to me, so Thank You.

“I will be with you today,  _ ashayam, _ ” Spock pledged, cradling Jim’s face in between his hands. The sun rising over San Francisco slipped through the only window of their borrowed quarters, throwing harsh slanted shadows over the room. Spock was bathed in the pale golden light, still on the floor from his morning meditations where Jim interrupted him. Jim knelt in front of his husband and nestled into Spock’s gentle touch. 

“Thank you.” Their minds collapsed together for the first time that day and Jim felt Spock lending him his equanimitous strength. “I’ll need it.”

“No, you do not. But I nevertheless wish to help you in some way today.”

Jim smiled, quietly but brilliantly,  _ You always help. _

“I will be here when you return.”

“Then you have to let me take you to lunch somewhere, and we’ll finally get to enjoying our anniversary.”

“As you wish, Jim.” Spock kissed him again and Kirk rose, straightening his uniform shirt and fixing his hair as he left.

~~~

The _ Bering  _ docked on Starbase ESF-1 at 08:09. Kirk was in Starfleet Headquarters’ transporter room with Earth’s Betazoid ambassador, Eiddam Su, and an ensign transporter engineer. Kirk had exchanged the most basic pleasantries with Su, but he could tell the other man was put off by Kirk’s inner turmoil. Years ago, Spock had endeavored to teach Jim how to shield his mind from telepaths and empaths. Jim still used one or two of Spock’s tricks and reminded himself to employ them in the presence of the Betazoids. Once he did, he noticed Su grow more at ease in Jim’s presence. He wondered how long he could keep it up after he was in the same room as Leona. 

“Captain, I’ve received word from the  _ Bering _ that Dr. Irei is ready to transport.”

Kirk nodded, “Energize.”

Dr. Irei was not what he expected. On the transporter pad stood a very small woman with cropped hair and her Betazoid black eyes peering out from behind thick owlish glasses. She looked awestruck by her surroundings and even Jim had to admit the transporter room, like all of the more or less public rooms of Starfleet headquarters was impressive. The soaring ceiling and swooping apparatus that contained the transporter field dwarfed Dr. Irei further. She stepped down from the transporter pad and approached them slowly. Her gaze roamed all over the room and did not focus on them until Eiddam Su cleared his throat.

“Dr. Irei.” Their eyes connected and Jim realized they were probably communicating telepathically, as many mature Betazoids did. 

Like Su had before, Jim cleared his throat and they both looked at him. He stiffened, lifting his chin and standing at attention. He cared too much to be locked out of his first meeting with the woman who would be Leona’s mother.

“... and as I was saying, this is Captain James Kirk. He was in command of the vessel that responded to the satellite’s distress call.”

If it was possible, her eyes widened behind her glasses. “Oh my…” she said in a high, thin voice. She could not have been more than thirty years old… and Jim didn’t know when thirty had ever seemed so young to him before.

“I was on the away team that recovered Leo—Miss Yarro,” he explained. “Since then, I have assumed responsibility for—”

“You were there?” she asked, then grew flustered. “I’m so sorry, I interrupted you. I’m sorry, but you were on the satellite?”

Jim nodded. “Yes ma’am.” He shifted, unsure if he should remain at attention, but he got his answer when Su swept his arm around Irei and began to lead her out of the transporter room and into the main atrium of Starfleet. He did not give her time to take it in, though she looked around frantically, tears brimming, as they made their way to the turbolift. “You’ll forgive the haste,” Su was saying as they boarded, “Betazed is eager to see the child united with a family. We are deeply invested in Miss Yarro’s welfare.”

“I understand,” she said. Now in the turbolift, she stood with her eyes downcast. Jim saw Su tap his fingers against his thigh with impatience. 

Jim hovered by her. “How was your trip here?” 

“Good.” she said quickly. 

“We appreciate your coming directly,” Su added.

“I haven’t even seen my own daughters yet,” her thin voice grew slightly hysterical and Su put his hand on her arm in what he must have meant to sooth, but she flinched away. “I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t seen them?” Jim asked, trying to keep his voice soft, but not judgemental. 

She shook her head. “They were on a different escape pod. They were in class, all the kids were… I mean, except…But anyway, a different ship picked them up.”

“You’ll be on your way back to Betazed this afternoon,” Su said. “Their ship landed yesterday.”

“I know, my brother has them…” she gasped and started to cry quietly. “I’m sorry,” she kept muttering. Jim kept his distance while Su squeezed her shoulders, but she wasn’t paying attention to him. Instead, her reddening eyes peered at Jim. “You were there… you saw them?”

Kirk swallowed and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Was it bad?”

“Yes,” Kirk repeated in the same detached, monotone voice he continued to use.

“There’s no need to think about such things now,” Su coddled.

Irei took a shaky breath, but continued to talk to Jim. “I read every new list. I was on one of the first escape pods that Starfleet rescued, so I kept looking. Once I knew my daughters were safe, I looked for Os’ name, sorry, Osren Yarro. But then he was on the other list, you know, the people who didn’t make it. He and Rosie. I looked for Leo but she wasn’t on either list so I tried contacting anyone who would know. That’s how I talked to Councilwoman Hean.”

Kirk nodded, more out of courtesy than anything. He wished, he wished, he wished this was all over with.

Her eyebrows drew together when he thought this and Jim scrambled to keep his thoughts to himself.

“We were so grateful you stepped forward,” Su said, drawing Irei’s attention away. “We were all so worried for the child. We had, of course, developed a contingency in the event no one stepped forward, but once we saw your profession as a dedicated scientist under contract with Betazed, we were thrilled. We have total confidence in you, doctor, and we hope you’ll allow us to support the child.” The more Su used the collective “we,” the more Jim suspected he probably hadn’t even heard of Leona until two days ago when the hand off was planned.

Irei still looked a little mystified through her tears.

_ No. _ Jim had to remind himself,  _ This is a good thing. This is a good thing. Irei cares and this is a good thing. _ He had to stop reading too much into everything, cynicism wasn’t in his nature. Besides, he had no role in this. All he had to do here was formally hand over responsibility of the child from Starfleet to Betazed, and all that required was his presence and his silence.

“Is she alright?” Irei asked.

“Of course,” Su cooed, but she was asking Jim.

“Yeah,” he nodded quickly. “Yes, she’s great. She’s just with the doctor now.”

“Doctor?” Irei interjected.

“Sorry, she’s doing great.” He reframed his mind and reported calmly, “I asked my Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Leonard McCoy, to run one more general diagnostic test on her this morning just to make sure she’s fit for the trip back home. Dr. McCoy was also on the away team that recovered Leona and on the  _ Enterprise _ , he was personally in charge of all of her medical needs. I thought it’d be better if someone she was familiar with gave her her last check up.”

“Was she okay when you found her?”

“There was some expected damage… but Dr. McCoy was able to go in and regenerate all the damaged tissue.”

Irei nodded desperately, a smile breaking through on her face. “Thank you.”

“It’s our duty, ma’am,” Jim added, quietly embarrassed by his own earnestness. He did not divulge the primary reason that he had asked Bones to be present that morning. He still had not revealed his mental connection with the child to Starfleet, but Bones would be able to tell Dr. Irei about it and maybe (they hoped) be able to share a Betazoid perspective on the strange bond he and Leona shared. After all this business was settled, then Kirk would include it in a summary mission log, but until then, he wanted to play it close to the vest.

Maybe Su and Irei could sense how strongly he guarded his thoughts, because as they exited the turbolift, Su asked with a curious inflection. “Do you have children, Captain?”

“No,” he said, then: “A nephew. His parents are gone. He’s actually just across the bay at the Academy now,” Jim didn’t know why he felt compelled to share so much and hung back while Su and Irei walked ahead of him. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, which he realized had scattered to thoughts of Peter, who he hadn’t seen in over two years, even though he was just across the bay, and then Peter and himself at the wall, then he and Leona at the wall. 

Then Jim remembered last night, walking down this hall and nearly bouncing with excitement to introduce Spock to Leona, well at least for the first time while she was not incapacitated by pain.

Finally, he thought of bringing Leona back last night. She had not begged him to stay, but she wanted him to, he knew. Instead, she told him just to wait, and she left and came back to the door with the book he had begun reading to her when she was still unconscious. She had wanted to give it back. He would not let her. Spock had waited patiently a couple of feet away while Jim kissed the top of her head and hugged her for the last time. 

“I’m sorry,” Su said.

It just about dawned on him that Su was trying to knock him off his guard and discover more of his true emotions about the situation, but Jim didn’t have more time to ponder Su’s angle as they approached the door to Leona’s quarters and Irei leaned heavily against the wall. 

He rushed to her side while Su just looked on with mild surprise. “Doctor, are you alright?”

She clutched her chest, “Yes, I just...” Tears flowed freely out from under her glasses again. Su closed his eyes like he was trying to reach out and understand the reason behind Irei’s outburst. He opened his eyes and shrugged at Kirk. Kirk tried to reach out as well, wondering if Irei had been overwhelmed by some emotion of Leona’s, and though he could sense in Leona’s mind, a little fatigue from being woken so early, and trepidation brought on by waiting, she wasn’t letting him or anyone in much beyond that.

“You will feel a little better when you are reunited with the child and on your way home. Shall we go in?” Su said, standing in front of Leona’s door.

“No,” Kirk said, staying next to Irei who, while no longer depending on the wall for support, still stood frozen several feet away from the door. “The doctor needs a second.”

Su huffed, but plastered on a smile and sighed an “of course,” before wandering a few more feet away. Apparently whatever goodwill he had displayed in the elevator had been used up there. “You must take all the time you need, doctor.

“Are you alright?” Jim repeated. He stood close to Irei and waited patiently for her to respond.

He watched her exhale slowly and relax her hands. “I didn’t think… It’s all gone so fast.” She looked up at him and seemed to ask him,  _ why? _

“I don’t understand?”

“The blackout, the fire, now this… I’m sorry, I don’t want to waste your time or the ambassador’s time… It just came over me all of a sudden. I just wish I had seen my girls before I came.”

“I’ve heard Betazoids have a trauma filter in their paracortex,” Jim began, but stopped when she began to nod along, clearly comforted by discussion of something she understood.

“Yes, that’s true.”

“And it doesn’t always work, right? It can fail when confronted with a trigger of the event.”

“That’s right.” Irei smiled, a tearful, wobbly smile but a smile nonetheless. 

He smiled with her, but he quickly faltered. “I can imagine you’re under quite a lot of stress right now. And have been for the last week. Leona had an episode that triggered her traumatic memories while on board.”

Irei’s face fell and formed a short, anguished “oh” with her lips. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“About what?” 

Su sent him a murderous look and Jim felt whatever hope he had before collapse. She was talking about Leona’s premature empathy. 

Kirk ducked his head to make eye contact with Irei. “You knew, right?”

She sniffled and shrugged. “Sure, we all knew. I just didn’t realize—” she shut her eyes tightly and worked over another sob. “She must be in so much pain.”

“That’s why we need you to take her. She needs you!” Something bent in Jim, something that now made his only objective to end this. Get Leona and the Dr. Irei out, off of Earth, out of orbit, and out of his life. “She needs someone who can take care of her, who’s got the time, who’s got the resources, who’s got the goddamn compassion! And that person is you.”

Su’s exasperation renewed itself and he stalked several feet down the hall in the opposite direction. 

When he was out of earshot, Irei leaned in close to Kirk and confessed, “Captain, I can’t do this. I didn’t know. All I did was ask where Leona was and the councilwoman told me that no one wanted her. I couldn’t say ‘no.’ She said I was the only person… I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this.”

“Maybe it’s what Osren would have wanted. He would have wanted you to take care of his little girl—“ Jim kept his voice low, but he knew he was well beyond masking his emotions: irritation, impatience, desperation.

“What Os wanted? We were friends, but the most time I spent with Os was in the lab. I liked him, a lot actually, but we just never… and I want to help Leona, really I do, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t have a home, I don’t have a job anymore, I haven’t even seen my own girls in over a week! I just don’t think I can take on another— there  _ has _ to be someone else. This can’t be how it happens.”

Kirk nodded. He understood. He understood. “No one wanted it to work out this way—” he began.

“But it can’t just be me, right? I can’t have been the only person to ask! That’s all I did, was ask about Leo because she wasn’t on either list. I feel like I blinked and I’m here. I don’t have any idea why I even agreed to this…” A manic laugh tore from her like she discovered some great absurdity. 

Kirk frowned. “You agreed because you’re a good person, a good friend, and probably a good parent, if I had to guess.” 

His serious tone grounded her again. She blinked and looked at him, able to sense that behind his own frustrations he meant what he said. 

“The kid could use a good mom.” 

Irei opened her mouth, like she expected another argument to leap out, but she ended up just shaking her head and wiping her eyes. “If I had to guess, I’d say you’re probably a good captain too.”

It was Kirk’s turn to heave a deep sigh. “That’s what they tell me. Su,” he called the irritated ambassador over. “What would happen to Leona if Dr. Irei decides to leave, without the child?” 

Su sighed before he explained like it was a great inconvenience. “The child will be made a ward of the Fifth House—“

“No more looking?” Jim interrupted. “It’s Dr. Irei or nothing?”

“We can’t ask every single Betazoid if they’ve got the room for a child. And we can’t go forcing our citizens to take her in even if they did.” 

Jim turned back to Irei. “Okay Neeloro, you know what you have to do. Leona is depending on you.”

She took a couple of steadying breaths, as shaky as they were, and nodded. 

“Are we ready?” Su asked. 

Kirk hesitated, but in the process of lifting her glasses and using her sleeve to wipe away as many tears as she could get, Irei nodded. 

Su requested access and Bones granted it from inside. “See, they’re here already,” Jim heard Bones say softly. When the three entered, Leona and Bones sat on a sofa in the center of the room. Bones’ med bag was already packed up and the two medical ensigns assigned to Leona stood at attention to the side. Bones looked up ready to smile, but even he could read that their moods trended negative. 

Leona sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and arms wrapped around herself. She did not look up. Kirk felt their shared sadness, his frustration, and her desolation collide and make a thick and heavy shroud of sadness in the room. 

Kirk stepped in and gestured for the Betazoids’ benefit. “Ambassador Su, Dr. Irei, let me introduce Dr. Leonard McCoy, as I said before, he is the Chief Medical Officer of the  _ Enterprise _ , and Ensigns Cho and Zambata. At ease.” When he gave the order, Cho and Zambata left, leaving just the doctor behind. Jim sighed, Leona had bristled at his voice and Kirk could not face the possibility that she was mad at him. “This is Leona Yarro.”

With a pang, Jim saw that on the low table in front of the sofa, the seashells from yesterday were all meticulously ordered from largest to smallest. On the seat cushion next to her, tossed to the side like she had been holding it and wanted to put it down very quickly, was the book he gave her. 

Bones came over to them and muttered to Jim so that no one else could hear, “I tried to get her to pack them, but she didn’t want to.”

“That’s okay, you big pushover,” Jim said with a manufactured grin. He was truly grateful to McCoy for trying to smooth things over, but the man had no backbone when it came to the kid—but neither did he. Then, loud enough for the Betazoids to hear, “Everything look good, Doc?”

“Right as rain.” Bones gaze flicked over to Su and Irei and back to Jim. He offered Jim a not entirely appreciated sympathetic smile.

“Ready to go home, Leona?” Jim asked. The cheerful tone with which he asked had trouble passing over the growing lump in his throat. He could at least be grateful that the Betazoids had not yet made a comment on his plummeting emotions throughout that morning. Neither did they raise an eyebrow at this duplicitous act of theater. 

At his question, Leona turned away, leaning against the low back of the sofa, head still buried, though in the action, Jim caught a glimpse of her face, cheeks wet and eyes reddened from crying. 

Tentatively, Irei stepped forward. “Leo?”

She continued forward, until she was in front of the sofa and knelt down. “Hey, Leo,” she tried again. 

Leona lifted her head just enough to look out at the small doctor. Irei smiled. It was the most genuine smile Jim had seen that morning. “I hope you remember me?” she said. “Do you? I was on the satellite.”

Leona nodded. 

Irei’s smile widened until it looked like the expression was on the verge of collapsing. “Good.” 

Jim could not bear to watch the rest of it. He crossed his arms over his chest and ducked his head.

“I’m glad to see you. I’m sorry about your mom and dad.”

No response.

“Would it be alright if I take you home with me?”

No response.

“Don’t you want to go back to Betazed?”

_ No! _ Jim looked up, he could hear Leona’s voice as loud as a scream inside his head. Looking up and around, he could tell Su and Irei heard it too. 

“She said ‘no,’” Irei said for the benefit of the humans. 

When Jim’s gaze finally straggled back to Leona, he saw that she was sitting up now. Her black eyes, nearly unblinking, bored straight into him. 

“Little one, we have to go,” Irei tried again, but her voice was shaky with uncertainty. 

_ No! _

“Tona and Tuveme are waiting—”

A strong resistance filled Jim’s mind with a sudden, urgent pressure like the emotion was too big to be contained in any one person. Irei must have felt it as well, as she clutched her forehead.

“What is going on here?” Su moaned from behind them. He too was pressing his fingers to his temples, trying to counteract the pressure.

Beside Jim, Bones went for his medbag, though they all knew there was nothing in it to stop this. After Bones gave up his search, Leona figured she had gotten her point across and the feeling ebbed. Jim was still massaging the bridge of his nose when Irei looked up and said, “What was that?”

Jim was shaken out of his mind when Bones grabbed his arm, looking suspiciously between Irei and Su. “Jim, what happened?”

“Leo made her position very clear,” Jim muttered. 

“I had no idea her paracortex was that advanced,” Su was saying to himself. 

An arrow of fear pierced Jim so suddenly it disoriented him and he leaned on Bones for support. He watched Leo as she lifted her head and looked with big, black, saucer eyes at the three people she had affected. She didn’t mean to hurt them. She didn’t mean to hurt them! She didn’t mean to hurt Jim! It was an accident!

Jim righted himself and nodded. “I know, Leo,” he said.

Su swept between Kirk and Irei and right up to Leona. “This is remarkable! Telepathy in a child! Not even full Betazoid! This should be impossible!”

“It should be,” Bones interrupted the ambassador gruffly. He also closed in on Leona, though he meant to intimidate Su more than the child. 

“Doctor, have you observed any other telepathic episodes?” Su asked.

Bones looked back at Kirk as if to ask how much to say, but he was at a loss. 

Through Su, Bones, and Irei, Jim could see Leo sinking into the back of the couch, trying to make herself disappear while flinging her fearful gaze around wildly, though for a long and lucid moment, her eyes settled on Su, confused by his sudden change of interest.

“Well?” Su demanded.

Bones seemed to snap back into himself as Kirk had only a moment before and said firmly, “She’s still my patient. I can’t just tell you everything about her.”

Su pouted, no doubt sensing the correct answer in Bones’ brain, but unable to form any context. 

“I knew she was Heren Tiso’s patient,” Irei was saying. She stood now and seemed to be trying to talk to Su. “I knew she was prematurely developed, but that was… I don’t know…” Whatever conversation she was having with the ambassador was only partly verbal, Kirk noted as Irei and Su continued to look at eachother and make minute gestures even after they stopped speaking. 

Jim nodded to Bones in their own nonverbal communications and Bones cleared his throat to get their attention and said, “The kid suffered a lot of trauma on the satellite.” Leona tensed at just the mention of the satellite and Kirk had to forcefully uncurl his fingers and relax his shoulders before she exhaled. “And I didn’t have access to all of Dr. Tiso’s files that were recovered, so I wasn’t able to figure out what was normal or abnormal behavior for her.”

“Dr. McCoy, I don’t know if you… but you’ve got to have researched it… Can you tell me? Can she ever get better?”

Bones rocked on his feet and held up his PADD. “From the trauma? Sure. So long as she’s got the right treatment and a dedicated support network. But, all due respect Dr. Irei, I’d recommend the same for all the survivors.“

She smiled sadly. “No, sorry, I meant about… you know, will she ever live normally?”

Bones scowled and Irei realized her mistake, but he answered anyway. “You mean ‘normal’ as in having control to focus her telepathy and empathy like an average, mature Betazoid?”

She nodded, chastised. 

“No. Never.” 

“In that case, what would you recommend?” Irei asked. Kirk could see her hard-won confidence shaking. Leona could too, but deeper. A new shade of distrust colored Leona’s perception of Irei and Jim felt compelled to agree.

Bones shrugged. “From what I could access in Dr. Tiso’s records, it seemed her therapy was building a good foundation for Leona. It was helping. I’d recommend finding someone who follows the same philosophy when you get back.”

Irei’s eyes were wide. “I don’t even know where to start!”

“Do not worry,” Su swept in. “The planetary council has already formed a tentative plan for Leona’s care. Knowing that she suffers from this condition, the council women have contacted the preeminent doctor in the field of divergent psychology. Dr. Idalbrom, a friend of mine, and her team will be thrilled to hear these new developments.”

Irei seemed to shrink under Su’s pitch. “Well, I don’t know if that’s the way we want to go—”

“It’s not,” Bones interrupted. “What’s your angle, Su?” 

“Really,  _ doctor _ ,” he snarled, the title dripping in sarcasm, “She is an eminently qualified expert in the subject. The council sent her Dr. Tiso’s records and she has already planned a course of treatment. Of course we were not aware of telepathy before, but that will be all the better for Dr. Idalbrom’s research. We hope to learn quite a lot about premature paracortex development. Dr. Irei, you will not have to worry about a thing.”

“I should thank the council—”

“Very good!” Su cut in, his former curiosity now sated. “Dr. Irei, shall we get all the documents in order? We do have a timetable.” On the guest quarter’s wall mounted computer console, he pulled up a file of several documents that required Irei’s signature.

“We can discuss treatment later, I would like to at least look into other possibilities.” Irei nodded and went to join him. After an uneasy moment while Kirk and Bones decided what to do, Bones went to stall by rummaging through his med bag and taking stock. Against his better judgement, Jim sat down next to Leona.

She had curled back up on herself and Jim could feel the burning ball of anger and sadness that sat heavily in her chest. It was the kind of fear and frustration that plagued the nightmares of almost every sentient species. Helplessness.

“Got room for them all?” Jim asked. 

Leo looked up and saw that he was pointing to the line of seashells on the low table in front of them. He felt a wave of disgust from her when she looked at them. “I’m not taking them.” 

“Aw, come on,” he said lightly, picking up a sand dollar. “You’ve got a great start to your new collection. You’ll be so cool back on Betazed with all your _ Earth  _ shells.”

“I don’t want them!” Leona nearly shouted. She jumped off the sofa and pushed his hand away. The sand dollar flew out of his hand and shattered on the hard floor. Leona froze, but Jim just slid to the ground and began to gather up the tiny jagged pieces, feeling very much like it was himself shattered on the floor. Irei rushed over and tried to put a comforting arm around Leona, but she shrugged it off angrily. 

“That’s okay,” Irei was saying. “It looks like you’ve got another one. We’ll be extra careful with it when we go home.”

“It’s not home!” Leo protested. “It’s not home!” Her hands were in fists again and she stomped to emphasize her point.

Jim rose to his knees and caught her wrist, broken sand dollar forgotten. “Hey, remember what I said yesterday? Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now—”

She wrenched her arm away and shouted again, “That’s not home!”

“Hey Leo—”

When she looked back at him and their eyes met, Jim’s mind was invaded by memories. Golden hued quiet moments of their time together, warm and comforting: hugs, falling asleep together, holding hands, Spock, last night, giving her the Vulcan salute, and, earlier, Jim kissing her forehead. Bright and bubbling memories of laughter, blinding joy, amusement, and freedom. The slightly bleaker moments of missing him when he wasn’t there. Loneliness that cut through the light and made everything dark: waking up alone and incapacitated by a pain that was not hers, reading her parents’ names on the memorial wall, finding out they were dead, waking up from the nightmare, waking up in a strange medical place, and even further back, being trapped in an insulated cabinet after the fire had burned itself out, the echoes of pain of those that died ricocheting through her brain and the sparking, ragged ends of two bonds that her whole life was built around.

But at the end of it all, there was Jim again. His arms lifted her out of the cabinet and held her close to him as he promised over and over that she was going to be okay.

“Leo…” When the visions were through, Jim struggled to speak. The tears falling from Leona’s eyes and slipping down her face mirrored his own.

She fell against him, knocking him back against the sofa, with her arms circled around his neck and her head falling heavily into his chest. 

He tried to clear his throat, but couldn’t get past the great lump in it. Roughly, he balled up his shirtsleeve in his fist and wiped at his eyes first, then hers.

He looked around, knowing it must look like he’d gone crazy to Dr. Irei and Ambassador Su, but as he did, he realized that they saw everything that Leona had shown him too. Only Bones was left out, but Jim could tell by his expression that he guessed well enough what had happened. Su and Irei’s scrutinizing gazes made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, but he ignored them. Instead, he focused on the bond he had been suppressing between him and Leo, opening it, and letting everything they were fall together. The way the space between their minds disappeared and the barriers blurred until they were no longer two minds, but one, rivaled even the deepest melds he and Spock achieved. For a moment, all of the helplessness, sadness, and fear left them, and there was safety. There was home. 

“Please don’t make me go,” she pleaded into his shirt.

Dr. Irei crouched down beside them. She was openly crying, but she smiled. “Leo.” Leona turned her head so she could see the older woman, but nothing more. Irei smiled wider. “I’m sorry. But I don’t think I can take you with me. Do you think you would be okay, if you stayed here?”

Slowly, Leo nodded and she smiled. 

Irei, still grinning, stood and turned to the ambassador. “Thank you for your help, but I think I just want to go home and see my girls.”

Su blanched, “But—”

Irei looked back at Jim and Leo. “Os told me he and Rosie had a bond with Leo, but I didn’t know it was anything like that. You’ve got something really special. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known.”

Jim did not know what to say. It was as good an excuse as any. 

“Doctor, this is not what was agreed to,” Su protested. 

“She has the right,” Bones argued. 

Leona was looking up at Jim expectantly. He knew she was happy with the way things were turning out, she knew he was afraid. “That’s all your council keeps saying, you can’t force someone who doesn’t want to. Well I want to.” An effervescent glow of joy from Leona warmed him and made him grin like a dope. He realized, at some point, he should probably be standing for this conversation, but it didn’t feel like Leona wanted to move any time soon.

“Captain, it is important that the child return to Betazed,” Su argued. 

“Just so your crony can put her under a microscope?” Bones cut in. Jim was increasingly grateful that Bones was there. Wordlessly, and careful of the shattered sand dollar still on the ground, Jim coaxed Leona off of his lap and hoisted himself up. Leo held onto his leg and eyed Su with distrust. 

“She is a citizen of Betazed!” Su said. “If the doctor will not take her, she will be cared for by the council—”

Fear flared in Leona, and Kirk gently nudged her behind him. “She’s an orphan and she needs a parent.”

“You knew the terms, Kirk, as well as the doctor or I! I told you right outside, it’s either Dr. Irei or the council.”

“She doesn’t want to go!” Jim cried.

Su all but rolled his eyes. “She is a child. More importantly, she is a Betazoid child. Without parents, without a guardian, the council takes responsibility. The child in question has no say in the matter. Not even Terrans allow their children such freedom.”

Jim opened his mouth, but Su cut him off. “I understand your attachment to the child, but your meddling is coming dangerously close to a violation of the Prime Directive—“

Jim made a sound to object, but Su continued, only raising his voice, “—under which Betazed maintains sovereignty. The child belongs to Betazed. The child will return to Betazed. She may even be integral to our understanding of Betazoid neurology. She may not be. But it is under the jurisdiction of her planet’s government to discover. If you have any further inquiries, I suggest you seek out the council directly!”

“I will!” The two words stopped Su in his tracks. In his anger, he wanted Su to call his bluff. With his mind, he half dared him, but Su wouldn’t for the simple fact that the ambassador already knew he was not bluffing. 

Su fumed for a moment to himself before setting his mouth in a rigid smile. “Very well. The council will be contacting me in half an hour for what should have been a simple debriefing of the situation. Because you insist on disbelieving my authority, you may come and make your case. However, I will warn you that it is unlikely they will change their mind.”

“I like those odds,” Jim snarled back.

Su nodded and turned on his heel like he could not wait to leave. Jim couldn’t wait either. With Su gone, Leona climbed back onto the couch and Irei, feeling extraneous, cleaned up the broken shell, gave her apologies and goodbyes to them, and left to wait for the ship taking her back to Betazed. 

“What now?” Bones asked after she left. 

Jim sighed and faced Leona. She looked up at him expectantly, almost vibrating with excitement. He found himself grinning in spite of himself, but as a rule, Kirk didn’t celebrate before the job was done. “One more time,” he said, “I just gotta leave you here one more time while I figure a way through this, okay? But afterward, after I talk with the council, I’ll be back, and then I’ll stay with you, okay?” he talked through the lump returning in his throat, but her contagious excitement prohibited him from crying. He stood and found Bones again, looking resigned as he sat at the table. “Bones, you know I hate to ask—”

“Yes, I’ll stay. But don’t think babysitting’s going to be my regular gig from now on. Go. Take care of it.”

“You’re a good friend,” Jim said, meaning that and so much more.

Bones waved his hand dismissively. “You know, this sets a hell of a precedent for her getting what she wants,” he joked. 

“Yeah, well…” He looked back at Leona and saw she was already packing up the shells carefully in a bag. 

“Where are you off to now anyway?” Bones asked.

“Right now?”Jim laughed. “Someone’s gotta tell Spock he’s gonna be a dad.”

~~~

When Jim got to his and Spock’s quarters, several floors above Leona’s, he found Spock sitting at the computer, fully dressed in civilian clothing and sipping tea while he read from the screen what looked like recent Federation news.

He looked up, startled, when Jim barged in. Jim realized Spock must have expected him to come in moping, but instead, he was bright and energetic, practically bouncing on his toes as he stood behind his husband, until Spock swiveled around and studied him. 

Spock was barely even to get out a “Jim, are you alright?” before Jim blurted out. “It’s me, Spock. It’s gotta be me. There’s no one else.”

Spock just tilted his head. 

“Leo, the kid!” his brain was going too fast and he knew it, but he didn’t want to slow down, not yet. “Irei won’t take her. Can’t take her. I don’t know. And even if she did, The Betazoids want her. Like, to study her. That can’t happen. I won’t let it happen. So it has to be me.” Jim waited nervously while Spock took the time to assemble everything he said into some logical narrative.

Then he considered Jim with raised eyebrows. “Are you suggesting you kidnap the child?”

Laughter bubbled out from Jim’s chest and he fell back onto the narrow bed. “No, no, no. But that’s not the worst idea.” 

Spock looked doubtful. 

Jim took a deep breath. “No. I have to adopt her. Spock, look, I know that this is sudden, I certainly didn’t plan it, but, it can’t happen any other way.” Then his expression became dark, “I think they want to study her and research her. It’d probably be fine, but she’s alone, she doesn’t have anyone but me fight for her, and I can’t take that chance. Spock, it’s the only way.”

Whatever response he expected from his husband, Spock’s thoughtful nod and unhesitant, “I understand. It seems perfectly logical to me,” wasn’t it. 

Jim felt a great weight that had plagued him since the day he found Leona, lift from his chest, and with it came another bout of freeing, ecstatic laughter. When he calmed down, he reached across the small space between them and held Spock’s hands in his own. “I love you.”

The familiar warmth of love flooded their connection and Spock replied immediately,  _ I love you too _ . 

Maintaining their mental bond and shamelessly stealing Spock’s predisposition for equanimity, Jim quickly went over his burgeoning plan. Their hands lingered in each other’s until they held only a couple of fingers wrapped around each other. Spock looked at the time on the console screen and transmitted it to Jim with the only commentary that they still had some time to wait before meeting with Su again. 

While in Spock’s mind, Jim prodded at a cloud of rumination, dark and almost akin to anxiety. It reflected Jim’s own and when Spock observed his husband’s interest in this thought, he decided to share. “I understand why you must adopt Leona. But I do not believe I can help parent her.”

Jim resumed a tight grip on Spock’s hand. “What are you saying?” he asked forcefully.

“Children are not to Vulcans what they are to humans… or Betazoids.” Spock said. 

Jim propped his mouth into a smile. He refused to make any assumptions. “What are they?”

Spock sighed. “On Vulcan, our children are precious for their rarity, but they are brought forth to honor their parents. The ways of Surak are strict in this. Vulcan children are not indulged in their caprices and are always expected to obey their elders. You know that the estrangement between Sarek and I was caused by my refusal to join Vulcan Science Academy, as he wished. By this choice, my father was disgraced. Though my mother has forgiven me, it is only because her humanity has allowed her to do so, and it is only by her urging that Sarek and I have begun to speak again.” Jim, as he often had to, kept himself from mentioning that only a few years ago, Spock underwent a dangerous experimental medical treatment in order to save Sarek’s life. 

“So?”

“Jim, I do not believe I am equipped to parent a child that is not Vulcan.”

“Well I can’t do this alone! Spock, you had one human parent. She must have had some affect on you.”

Spock considered this and must have decided that he was not able to explain himself entirely in the realm of spoken communication. “Sarek believes her influence is what made me a rebellious child.” Through their bond, Jim saw an image of Amanda Grayson, looking younger and a fair bit taller than he’d ever seen her in person. It must have been a memory from Spock’s childhood. She towered over him in a long caftan with trailing sleeves that fluttered whenever she moved her arms. They made waves around him (or young Spock) as she knelt in front of him and wrapped him in a hug. Her warm voice, that always reminded Jim of his own mother’s, suffocated him with coddling phrases. She was crying but she was smiling, which perplexed young Spock. She was saying that the other kids did not mean to hurt him by what they said.  _ Then why did they say those things?  _ She said that sometimes kids could just be cruel.  _ Then why were they not cruel to each other?  _ She said that they wouldn’t amount to anything if they bullied everyone who was different.  _ How could she know what paths their lives would take? _

Over the memory, perhaps as a distraction for himself, Spock was explaining,  _ Before I was born, my mother had already adopted most Vulcan ways. She knew that as a human, She would always be underestimated by her husband’s people, but she also understood the expectations of an ambassador’s spouse; so she took it upon herself to learn the teachings of Surak. She was determined never to be an embarrassment to Sarek and she succeeded, except for the matter of her child. She was always human to me.  _ The word “human” was drenched in loathing but shrouded in a desire not to offend, and a guilt directed toward both Jim and Amanda

“You know how,” Jim argued, squeezing Spock’s hand as the memory faded. 

“Though I have learned from you to better embrace the humanity in me that I had suppressed, I do not know if I am able to separate a more nurturing style of parenting from the negative associations I formed as a child. I am  _ afraid _ that I will fail her and in doing so, fail you”

Jim laughed, which surprised Spock. “God, Spock! Don’t you think it’s a little terrifying for me too?” He grinned and knew that this contradiction confused Spock as much as it had when his mother smiled while she cried. “I don’t know what good parents are any more than you do. You know me, Sam and I were just traded off to whichever parent was posted somewhere where they could bring their family. When neither of them could, they shipped us home to Iowa to go live on our uncle’s farm for five years. I love them, but God, they taught me about as much about parenting as your parents did you.” 

Jim lifted Spock’s hand to his lips in a chivalrous kiss. “Listen to me, honey, if I have to learn how to be a good dad, I want it to be with you.”

~~~

They met Su in a briefing room on the second floor. Su was surprised to see another person with Jim, but proceeded with patching through the video conference with the council. To Jim’s mounting pleasure, it was Nennomat Hean that Su had planned to meet with. Hean greeted Kirk with great interest, (“My favorite captain! To what do I owe this lovely surprise?”) and Kirk introduced Spock as his first officer. Spock apologized for his casual dress, but Hean was too impatient for answers that she waved away the slight and focused on Su. With minced words, assuming Councilwoman Hean could read his true thoughts through communication, Su gave a brief explanation of the disaster that was that morning. During his recollection, he emphasized the plan of treatment Dr. Idalbrom was developing and adding that if Leona were a ward of the Fifth House, Idalbrom would be able to observe Leona for longer periods. 

Jim noticed with delighted surprise that Spock bristled as much as he did when Su talked about Idalbrom. Finally, he said, “Captain Kirk insists that he has the right to throw his hat into the ring, if you’ll forgive the Terran expression. He would not accept my ruling, so I invited him to hear your opinion, Councilwoman, though I warned him that the answer would remain the same,” he said with a failed attempt to be deferential.

Hean looked entertained. “How novel!” she said, more to Kirk than Su. “Before, you seemed incredibly impatient to get dear Leona off your hands.”

Jim faced the screen head on. In this meeting, he could not hesitate, he could not falter, he could only be absolute. “My impatience was only concern for her wellbeing. I believed that the sooner she left the  _ Enterprise _ , the sooner she would receive the care she needs.”

“But now you believe that  _ you _ can provide it?”

Jim was not modest. “Yes, ma’am.” Behind him, Spock went to a computer console mounted on the wall. 

“Mr. Su is correct, this is unorthodox.”

“Your honor, this entire situation is unorthodox”

She graced his interruption with a coy smile while she finished, “... and I was informed that arrangements have already been made for her care here.”

“As a lab rat? Mr. Spock, please send Councilwoman Hean my final report of the satellite incident.” 

“Aye, sir.” At that, Hean and Su’s eyebrows drew together in confusion and trepidation. Just to be obliging, he directed Su to the monitor beside the one that displayed Councilwoman Hean that showed what she saw.

Hean kept her coy smile on when she spoke. “What is this, Captain?”

Kirk spoke as Spock scrolled down to the end of the report. “My account of what I saw at the satellite, ending in a recommendation to the Federation to investigate Betazed’s safety practices regarding the construction of space-faring vessels.” Hean’s smile fell, but her expression remained neutral as she read. Jim had the pleasure at least of witnessing Su’s face go pale then bright red. “A solar flare? One solar flare caused a whole satellite to malfunction and catch fire? Your honor, this is the twenty-third century! That doesn’t happen without one hell of an oversight. On this recommendation and the evidence gathered by my engineering team, the Federation can do a thorough inspection of every spacecraft Betazed has deployed.”

“It was a tragedy caused by an improbable and regrettable confluence of events. The council and Starfleet agreed that that was the cause three days ago.”

“Are you making threats, Captain?” Su accused, face still beet red. 

Jim smiled pleasantly. “Not at all. My recommendation stays in the report no matter how this ends. However, There’s a part of this whole affair I haven’t included.” He looked back at the viewscreen and Hean while he folded his hands behind his back and squared his shoulders. “As Mr. Su discovered earlier, since rescuing Leona Yarro, she formed a telepathic bond with me. Right now, I’m not at liberty to disclose any experience I shared with Miss Yarro, telepathic or otherwise, with a foreign government. However, if I were to become her legal guardian, I would find it appropriate to append this report with a detailed account of my own and my medical team’s observations concerning Leona’s abnormal psychic behavior. As part of the report, this information will be fully available to Betazed. Also, I predict that as long as I stay with Starfleet, Leona’s treatment will be handled by a Starfleet xenopsychologist. If they rule anything in Leona’s case as scientifically significant it would become a matter of public record, I would feel obliged to release that information to you as well.”

Hean studied him for a moment. If he was a natural telepath, he did not doubt he would now feel her rifling through his thoughts. As it was, he could only focus his intentions and wait for her judgment. 

“I know that you are a man of your word,” she decided. “You keep your promises.”

“I don’t make them unless I can.” Kirk noddedd to Spock and narrated Spock’s actions to Hean and the ambassador. “This is my Starfleet service record, and this is my husband’s. They should serve as identification as well as a character reference. Any further inquiries regarding our characters may be directed to the admiralty and the crew of the  _ Enterprise _ . Mr. Su, you may begin with Dr. McCoy upstairs.”

Hean’s secretive, amused smile was back. “Mr. Su, thank you for your assistance. You will witness and notarize all the correct documents?”

Su opened his mouth to protest, but Hean gave him a discouraging look that was no doubt accompanied by some telepathic reprimand. His shoulders slumped and he made a defeated bow. “As you wish, your honor.”

Hean nodded graciously, before flicking here eyes back up to find Kirk again. “I look forward to reading your full and complete report. I hope that today, we have deepened the bond of cooperation between Betazed and Starfleet.”

“Likewise.” 

After the connection was cut and Su quickly and drily ran through the proper documents, Jim and Spock almost ran to the turbolift and from there, to Leo’s quarters. As they approached, Jim projected his complete, exhilarated happiness and felt Leona’s mind feed off it. She was going to have a lot of energy. Jim decided they were going back to the beach. However, before Spock could request access to the door, Jim grabbed his hand. “Are you ready?” He asked breathlessly.

Spock’s eyes were bright and the color high in his face. “I have no doubts.” He glanced down to their hands and Jim felt him fly through their bond. “And neither do you.”

Jim grinned and shook his head. “No, I don’t.” He squeezed Spock’s hand and dropped it. “Ready to meet our daughter?”

Spock smiled. 

The door opened and on the other side, Leona waited, looking up at them and beaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......um..... that's it?  
> Obligatory acknowledgements to Memory Alpha, Memory Beta, and Fantasy Name Generator.
> 
> A sequel is coming! I don't want to promise anything, but I am trying to get it ready to start posting in June. If you are interested, please subscribe to the series "The Leona K. Yarro Adventures" where it will be posted. 
> 
> I don't know what else to say here... this has been my most popular fic in almost every category except hits--which I'm certain I won't be able to say for long. (It's amazing how popular your work gets when you're not writing for a phoone-only dating sim or a 200 year old book lol) So, thank you again! This was not at all what I had been planning to write for NaNoWriMo, the idea quite literally popped into my head at work on November 1st, but I am so glad that I took the idea and ran. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! 
> 
> Tell me in the comments what you're looking forward to in the sequel!  
> Or, drop me a line on tumblr: fairwellersmustache


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